"Old"

Old. I'm afraid of being old. I say it's because I'm afraid of being in pain all the time, or because I don't want to lose control of my body and have to have someone else take care of me. I guess that's partly true. But, I've been thinking- I'm like that now, aren't I? Aren't we all? There's always something that's paining us- physically, mentally, emotionally- and... I don't exactly feel in control of much of anything right now. So what's the problem? I don't know. Maybe it's because I feel like as I get older, I'll lose myself, lose who I am right now and become something boring and unhappy. But is that true? And if it is... if I do change, is that a bad thing? Whenever I look back on who I was, even in the summer, I cringe at the stupid person I feel like I was, will I do that looking back to today or yesterday or tomorrow? So, will I like who I am? Will I be happy? I have no idea. And that makes me afraid, but in a different way. I guess I just shouldn't think about it yet. I guess I should just try to get through high school and college and being 40 before I think about being old.