"Old"

Old. I'm afraid of being old. I say it's because I'm afraid of being in pain all the time, or because I don't want to lose control of my body and have to have someone else take care of me. I guess that's partly true. But, I've been thinking- I'm like that now, aren't I? Aren't we all? There's always something that's paining us- physically, mentally, emotionally- and... I don't exactly feel in control of much of anything right now. So what's the problem? I don't know. Maybe it's because I feel like as I get older, I'll lose myself, lose who I am right now and become something boring and unhappy. But is that true? And if it is... if I do change, is that a bad thing? Whenever I look back on who I was, even in the summer, I cringe at the stupid person I feel like I was, will I do that looking back to today or yesterday or tomorrow? So, will I like who I am? Will I be happy? I have no idea. And that makes me afraid, but in a different way. I guess I just shouldn't think about it yet. I guess I should just try to get through high school and college and being 40 before I think about being old.

Jealousy vs Envy

I'm trying to figure out if jealousy is such a bad thing.

Envy, of course, is a bad thing and a lot of people confuse it with jealousy. In my opinion, envy is disliking, almost hating in some cases, someone because they have what you want. Jealousy has nothing to do with the person that possesses said wanted thing but really just has to do with the thing.

Then again, does it depend how much you want the thing or even what it may be? What if it's a person? I feel like that may change things from jealousy to envy. If it's something like a trait, that one can learn to have, maybe patience or kindness, then that's jealousy. Or, if it's something one can work towards receiving, like good grades or a pretty skirt, then that's jealousy. And being jealous can motivate someone to work towards whatever that thing is. So, maybe jealousy has to do with something that is attainable while envy has to do with something that may be very difficult or impossible to get... like a person, lifestyle or ability.

I think that both jealousy and envy start out the same, with the same emotional make up but depending on the ability to get the thing it transforms into jealousy or envy and then causes two different outcomes; jealousy's being productivity and envy's being dislike, anger or meanness.

But maybe not! haha