No, I'm Not

Two Roommates "Happy Holidays"

Midnight City

I'm sitting in the blattic (it's the attic of the dorm across from mine. Doesn't it look like the kind of place people go to die?) and it conveniently has no windows. I don't know how late it is (it's 8:36 actually), so I can't decide if I should be tired or not.

There's about no one on campus. It's really weird.

Sometimes I forget it's not always like this. I have to remind myself that what's normal is people I know and love walking around and being loud and studying and doing young people things.

Lately, I've also forgotten what it feels like not to be sick. I have a gross cold! But, it's getting better.

I just laughed out loud at the memory of Taylor Robinson falling up the stairs junior year!

My stomach kind of hurts and I like math, but I don't really feel like doing any more problems.

I am excited to go home the day after tomorrow. I really hope the sun is shining in Houston because it forgot to in Austin today.

Maybe it's time for me to skidaddle outta here... Writing this makes me feel like I've been isolated in a far-off place or in a submarine or something, and I'm sending out messages to people back home. Maybe that's a sign that finals should be over now.

Blah.

let's all go to sleep
get some shut-eye
and return home
to hang up our shoes by their laces
pause and notice how they're more worn than the last time we were here
pause and let our brains push energy through the pathways
down the axons the electricity sparkles
reenergizing
pause for a long moment
turn the long moment into a nap
we are tired
and happy to be going home

We're Only Here to Find the (HAPPY) That Lingers After

This past semester I've taken to doing things that people happen to think have a high risk of failure. It really doesn't matter whether there is actually a high risk, or less of a risk than society thinks, or more of a risk than I think. This is about people and their perceptions and how it affects their actions.

I think it scares people when someone beats the odds -- it holds them accountable. When someone beats the odds, it makes others feel guilty (if that's the right word) for not taking chances themselves. It completely derails statistics and diminishes our comfort in them.

Why are we so afraid of failure? I was afraid of failure. Am I still afraid of failure? Of course I am. But it's different now, I suppose. Well. I know that if I'd listened to statistics and "people" and my knees that shook in the face of these high risks of failure, I wouldn't have the rewarding life I love thus far. I wouldn't have this lovely greek-less, writing major, texting filled, burnt orange etc etc life.