Wait.... What?

I keep ending up at this "new post" page without a clue of what to write about. It's weird because I have had plenty of ideas. However, they all seem to leave me stranded right when I need them. I'm serious -- I imagine myself in my mind of a room looking around confused because, all of a sudden, it's empty and I'm quite alone. My stomach eats itself for a second when I imagine doing this on an essay test. Ew ew ew essay tests... My worst nightmare. Why am I talking about this? I have one coming up. In a long time though. I can't help but feel like these past one hundred-and-eleven words pretty accurately allude to how I've been feeling this past week or so: frazzled, jumbled, slightly dazed. I pity the persons who have to converse with me these days.

Me being frazzled in the library.

Portrait Project Phase I

You think you know them. And you do. Or, at least, you feel as if you're grasping an idea of them. I returned here this January for another new semester but under completely different terms than the last time I came here for a new semester. I had friends this time, familiars -- what a vastly huge difference. And now, I am doing a photography project to mark my idea of the people I've come to know. I've attempted to capture how I view them at this moment. It might change as things do, but at least I'll have these ideas, images, moments recorded. Here is the first round...

Trenton

Murphy

Mary

Sadie

Luke

We're Only Here to Find the (HAPPY) That Lingers After

This past semester I've taken to doing things that people happen to think have a high risk of failure. It really doesn't matter whether there is actually a high risk, or less of a risk than society thinks, or more of a risk than I think. This is about people and their perceptions and how it affects their actions.

I think it scares people when someone beats the odds -- it holds them accountable. When someone beats the odds, it makes others feel guilty (if that's the right word) for not taking chances themselves. It completely derails statistics and diminishes our comfort in them.

Why are we so afraid of failure? I was afraid of failure. Am I still afraid of failure? Of course I am. But it's different now, I suppose. Well. I know that if I'd listened to statistics and "people" and my knees that shook in the face of these high risks of failure, I wouldn't have the rewarding life I love thus far. I wouldn't have this lovely greek-less, writing major, texting filled, burnt orange etc etc life.

Nelson's Way

"There is nothing like returning to a place unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."

~Nelson Mandela

Well. True dat, homes.

Only been home for 12 hours and here are the ways I've noticed in which I've altered.

1. I eat twice as much.

2. I swear twice as much.

3. I can run on half as much sleep.

4. (This one makes no sense) I offer people random food items of mine that they would never want. I was drinking from a plastic cup of water and asked my friend mid-sentence if she wanted some. I was eating a Cliff bar and mid-bite asked my friend she wanted a bite. What is this? 

5. My appreciation for good, delicious food has sky-rocketed.

6. My hair is infinitely more messy.

More to come...

For Every Life

I'm in the library. I'm in the library as my friends study around me and it's quiet and we're doing our thing and I can't help but feel like I'm a part of something.

We are beings of community, aren't we? Beings of belonging and knowing that we matter and are important enough to be included. We need it, I think, although I'm not sure why. I just know that we do. I know it makes us feel warm. That's the word for it, I'd say, warm. Not in the cheesy way, but in the peaceful way. I'm not alone. I. am. not. alone. What a comforting, peaceful, warm thing that is.

We Dangle Our Feet From the Highest Places

And it's a home that wakes you up at 2 a.m. when someone yells "I LOVE THIS CITY" to the sky outside your window. It's a being that is so in love with itself that never mind what you think, we're going to have a freaking good time. It's the smell of exhaust, oranges, sweat and live music. It's a book that uses the F word so passionately that its definition changes in your mind. It's a hole in the wall of tofu, Vietnamese subs and Mexican chocolate milk for the vagabond in all of us. It's a road of courteous scary drivers, risk-your-life-everytime-you-hop-on cyclists and many, many overheated pedestrians. It's a dance that grooves and jives to its own beat and the beat of live music every night everywhere.

It's Austin, TX.

Things I've Learned and Thoughts I've Thought in College pt. 1

After exiting the dorm shower: Am I cleaner or dirtier than when I entered?

There is always more to person than their frat clothes.

If there is free stuff, go.

Fliers are your friends.

TAs, bikes, birds and squirrels are not your friends.

Studious honors kids in the living room do not care about becoming your friend.

Dance Anthem of the 80's

It is inevitable that you will change in college. Your life changes, drastically might I add, and we are what our lives make of us. What we learn and come to know depends on what our lives have taught us and shown us through different people and situations and locations and time periods and so many more life-altering factors. What we know and how we know to act determines who and how we are. For example, someone knows and acts out Syrian culture because they are familiar with Syria. So, back to college. Different situations, new situations, different information, new information, different people, new people.... different us. We are altered because our lives are altered.