Portrait Project Phase I

You think you know them. And you do. Or, at least, you feel as if you're grasping an idea of them. I returned here this January for another new semester but under completely different terms than the last time I came here for a new semester. I had friends this time, familiars -- what a vastly huge difference. And now, I am doing a photography project to mark my idea of the people I've come to know. I've attempted to capture how I view them at this moment. It might change as things do, but at least I'll have these ideas, images, moments recorded. Here is the first round...

Trenton

Murphy

Mary

Sadie

Luke

Things I've Learned and Thoughts I've Thought in College pt. 1

After exiting the dorm shower: Am I cleaner or dirtier than when I entered?

There is always more to person than their frat clothes.

If there is free stuff, go.

Fliers are your friends.

TAs, bikes, birds and squirrels are not your friends.

Studious honors kids in the living room do not care about becoming your friend.

Dance Anthem of the 80's

It is inevitable that you will change in college. Your life changes, drastically might I add, and we are what our lives make of us. What we learn and come to know depends on what our lives have taught us and shown us through different people and situations and locations and time periods and so many more life-altering factors. What we know and how we know to act determines who and how we are. For example, someone knows and acts out Syrian culture because they are familiar with Syria. So, back to college. Different situations, new situations, different information, new information, different people, new people.... different us. We are altered because our lives are altered.

"Burning solid, burning thin the burning rim."

"When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."

When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire? The first time I heard this quote ("Your Ex-Lover is Dead" by Stars), I was speechless. There were so many images being tossed around in my head: chaos, self-destruction, burning people at the stake, riots, the burning of books. I was confused and shrank back. Very rarely do quotes inspire such a reaction in someone, and this is exactly why I took a lot of time to think about how I would come to interpret it.
When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire. The first interpretation I stuck with had to do with living in a place where all your belongings and things that matter to you have been taken away or "burned" and then, finally, one has to fight back and "set themselves on fire" with passion. A little cheesy, I know, but this is just what my head came up with.
This year, my second interpretation was a little more personal. As most of my fellow classmates have come to realize, this year hasn't exactly reached it's maximum potential yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great time, loving my classes and managing to enjoy yearbook most of the time, but still, there's been something missing. It's as if I burned through all of the things I mildly enjoyed and have gotten bored of the routine. Yes, I said "burned" for a reason. At this point, I feel like "there's nothing left to burn" and now, I "have to set myself on fire." Oh, crap. Doesn't that sound delightful. Well, to me, it does. When I hear set yourself on fire, to me it means to get passionate about something and throw yourself into it, learn all about it and want to share it with everyone. So now, I'm reading again and learning again and asking questions again and thinking weirdly again; I'm setting myself on fire in the best way I know how.

And, in conclusion, I ask you to do the same. Set yourself on fire. What do you like to do? Practice it. What do you wonder about? Delve into it. What do you want to share? Talk about it. Do whatever it takes to set yourself on fire.

"In a technicolor dream"

The conversation I had with my body for about my entire life before senior year:

Me: Let me stay up late.
My body: No.
Me: I want to stay up late.
My body: No.
Me: Can I stay up late tonight? It's a Friday. I'm hanging out with some friends.
My body: Yes!
Me: Really?!
My body: No.
Me: I'll give you coffee!
My body: Don't care.
Me: This is ridiculous. It's my decision.
My body: In your dreams. Get it? Get it??
Me: I hate you.
My body: Fall asleep, idiot.

But, now, things are so different. Welcome to Senior Year/College-Prep, learning how to stay up late doing work until "it's so late, I can't even look at the clock anymore" or just having a good time with good friends. I'm happy to finally be here; there's something Alice in Wonderland-y about nighttime.

The Beginning of the End

The beginning of the end. I have waited so long to say that about my first days of school. I never thought it would get here and now that it has, I couldn't be more excited and relieved. I made it. I survived and I am finally a senior. Now, when I originally started counting down the days until my last year (sadly I actually almost did starting 9th grade), I didn't like Memorial (my high school) nearly as much nor was I happy to be where I was/am... in high school in Houston, Texas but now, it's a different scenario, huh? I love the people around me, the school that I attend and the life that lies ahead of me but that doesn't take away from my excitement in the slightest. It just makes it different... more lighthearted and positive to say the least :) Anyway, sorry for that awful excuse for a paragraph; here's a list of the classes I'm taking this semester!

1st Period: Economics
While I was not looking forward to this class, I am now pretty happy about it. There's some fantastic kids with me and my teacher is a loud, hilarious football/baseball coach. Perfect for first period in my opinion! I'll definitely be awake after which is perfect for...
2nd Period: Calculus
I love math. I know that's so weird but I really enjoy it and it's great to get it out of the way so early in the day. Now I don't have to spend all of Yearbook studying for it! (I'm sure that'll make Ms. Hartman happy too...) Calculus marks the end of my two math classes. All the rest are thinking/creative/analysis starting with...
3rd Period: Yearbook
In case you're new here or happen to be a complete idiot, I am on the Yearbook staff at my school and it matters to me... to say the least. I have a small class (21 kids) which is what I wanted so that's nice. I'll be doing a lot of work in there seeing as our yearbook is huge so it'll be nice to get some relaxation from...
4th Period: Film Studies
One of the coolest classes offered at Memorial. Film studies. Don't it sound grand? I love movies and analyzing movies and talking about movies so I'm pretty sure this class is the perfect fit for me. We'll be covering a lot of genres and I hope we watch movies that I can discuss next in...
5th Period: Psychology
This will definitely be an interesting class. The teacher seems like a really funny, interesting lady and the material should be something I'll enjoy. We already have a cool assignment in which I get to stalk someone so I'm pretty sure I'll be successful considering I'm one of the creepiest people I know. In addition to improving my creepy observation skills, I feel like Psych really gives me a unique perspective on things which will be helpful when doing...
6th Period: Photography
Oh gosh. I am so nervous about this class. However, I have complete faith in my awesome teacher to make me into a somewhat decent photographer which, believe me, is a feat in and of itself. Something my teacher said yesterday really intrigued and got me even more excited. She was talking about how photography is a form of art and is one of her passions which got me pumped because who better to learn it from than someone who genuinely loves and appreciates it like she does? This "photography is an art" bit, however, made me realize that the creativity will leave me feeling mentally wiped out which means I shouldn't even show up to...
7th Period: English

Aww but I love English and books. I gotta go! Like in all my other classes I've got a great teacher and great peers so this one should be challenging but interesting and enjoyable none-the-less. Good thing I had an easy time with Crime and Punishment, huh? Anyway, I'm looking forward to looking at literature in a different way than the last two years because, like I said, I love me some perspective.

Gotta go do some Film Studies homework. Jealous? You should be. This is the first year ever where I'm really excited to do all of my homework. My how far we've come.

Mumford, SALT and Danika

Three things are on my mind today. I'm going to go over each one briefly (as briefly as I can that is) so I don't overwhelm you with 3 feet of copy to read. I'll consider myself thanked.

1) Earlier in the month, I mentioned a song called The Cave by Mumford & Sons. Well, recently I really looked at the lyrics and Music did that thing where it says, "Hey. I get it. I get it. Here's something to remind you that other's have been through this before."Oh, these lyrics. I often fall madly in love with songs and it's happened again. Here are some of my favorite sections of the lyrics-

"The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind."

"I'll know my name as it's called again."

"I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears."

"And see the world hanging upside down."

"Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be."

"Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind."

2) Now that I'm a senior, I get to (yes, I consider it a privilege!) be a SALT leader at MDUMC. SALT is basically the senior leadership group at MDUMC. While at first this was no big deal to me, I've gotten really excited about it in the past week. We had a meeting on Tuesday night that coincidently came at a time when I really needed to hear about the stability, security and refuge that being a SALT leader would provide. The high school staff was very persistent about letting us know that SALT isn't a job or something that will cause us stress by putting pressure on us  with expectations and mandatory activities. It exists to remind us that "it's going to be alright" while we're stressing and freaking out next year as "big and bad" but, in reality, scared and overwhelmed seniors. It really hit me (although I've known this all along) that they genuinely love us and want to make our lives easier and more peaceful and when I realized that, I got so excited and I felt so much better about my year. They know me so well over there so I won't have any trouble walking in on days when I'm doing really great or especially on days when I'm doing really bad. I just hope that every senior next year has what I have, a place to go where I will always be welcome and a place that provides an escape from my to-be hectic life.


Shoot. That wasn't brief... My bad.

3) Danika! Let's just talk about my friend, Danika. (Or Dani as normal people call her.) I bring up Dani because she just made a really cool blog that shows off her great designing skills. Did I mention she's Design Editor? We'll be taking next year by storm (I hope.) and have been talking about this year's book for ages now. No really, since July 2009. It's kind of embarrassing. Anyway, I've been friends with Danika for a long time now and known her for even longer and I'm excited to be finishing this part of my life with her by my side.

Oh! Here's the link to her blog. Danika's blog!

"Welcome to the Neighborhood"

Today was an interesting day in my neighborhood in that we got some new neighbors! In an effort to be a kind neighbor, my dad decided we needed to make cookies for them. Here is the note I wish I had the guts to attach. It's silly enough to be slightly embarrassing :)

It is with these crispy cookies,

although maybe a little too crispy, but don't judge us based on that,

that we issue you a “Welcome!”

That goes great with milk, might I add

Don't be intimidated by us,

we are your typical “over-friendly neighborhood”

And though we do love each other in that tight-knit group kind of way,

we also have a thing for new people

To neighborhood cook-outs

and holiday block parties,

offering a lot of laughs

(and a mean bowl of gumbo at that),

we welcome you

Thoughts on thoughts about others

I've decided that you can't know how you feel about someone based on what emotions you're experiencing when you're with them. Actually, you really know how you feel about someone based on what emotions you're experiencing ten minutes after they leave.

This terrifies me

Start at the Beginning

And this is the beginning. Of what? Well, I don't know! I used to think blogging was weird (I guess I still do to some degree because I'm pretty weird) and only for people who sit in their rooms on Friday nights and rant about the world but never make a move to change it. I used to think "bloggers" were those people who are obsessed with strange things like aliens or jello. But come to think of it I don't really think I've seen one of those people because, well hey, what the heck do those people even look like? But I'm rambling now.

Anyway, I guess this is the beginning of my "anything I need it to be." A lot of times I find myself writing things and thinking thoughts that I want people to see and hear but I never get the courage to show or say them to the people around me. I don't want them to critique or judge, I just want it to be thrown out there and out of my head. So here I am throwing things out into the world just because I want it to go... somewhere, not because I want someone's opinion on it. I don't write these things and think these things because I want to impress or persuade; I have english class and hey, high school for that; I write because it's better than keeping it in and better than setting it up for judgement. Make sense? Haha probably not.

I apologize for the silly things I will say, for the dumb things, the conceded, the close minded. Just know, my intention is only to learn and better myself, so try and forgive what I have not learned yet. Hmm now that probably didn't make sense.

So... here's to the beginning.