if there were ever moments when i felt the rhythm of life

Sometimes, I think I am just a picture made of mirrors reflecting everyone else's voices and styles and thoughts.

This is my biggest flaw, I think. I am more a compilation of those that I love than I am a whole person.

I know not how to be alone. My mind is a thrift store, a quilt of mismatched patches, surprising polka dots, the best and worst of all the people around me... People wonder why I am so random.

Instead of holy books, I follow hand-me-down wisdoms. Instead of movies, I observe crowds. I love television shows because you get to know the characters over the course of seasons. I get absurdly attached to book characters who talk in first person, because their minds and monologues are mine to explore for about 2 to 300 pages.

I am all you are willing to give me.

All You Need

I have a lot of love in my heart.

I have so much love.

I have so much love, that I can't stay mad at people.

Sometimes, when I'm being ridiculous, I want to stay mad.

And, I can't.

Because, then I fall into my love again.

This is not a problem.

This love, it makes me excited,

and helps me get up in the morning.

It's like coffee, I suppose.

Suspiciously like coffee....

I don't love coffee though, I love tea.

But not nearly as much as I love the people I tend to drink tea with.

Or other types of drinks.

You see, I love to share these kinds of things,

drinks and food and laughter,

with the people that I love.

If that is all I did,

drink what I love with those that I love,

for the rest of my days,

I would be completely content with my lovely days and lovely life.

Happee

I am sitting here with a sweet kitten on my lap, listening to music that devours loneliness in a beautiful home and life that is more than anything I deserve, and I had to say something that attested to my fortune and happiness. I often feel this feeling after I write a ranty, self-righteous post like the one I wrote below. I am debating deleting it, but I am also trying to teach myself to stick up for what I believe in. I am a strange creature of juxtaposition -- the confused child of People Pleasing and Passion That Makes Me Over-Opinionated.

Anyway.

Let me start by saying I love kittens. I have gotten to know 3 kittens this summer (and one more hopefully) thanks to the foster program at the SPCA, and boy do I love kittens now. They are just so charming. And tiny. Fostering has let me practice Love and Falling In Love. I get to know them, take care of them and raise them a little bit and we practice loving each other. Oh gosh, it's just so great.

I love art, particularly written art. I am not sure why I love art. I think I love it because it makes me feel less alone and it inspires me. Also, art is like taking a shower. Or spraying Febreeze which I also appreciate very much. Every bit of new art (that I like) is refreshing. Like this... it's about raspberries:

she was the hollow part

where all the little seeds

came together to make one big fruit.

she was the five innocent raspberries

on his five little fingers.

-Jordan Greenberg

How great is Austin, TX?

One time a stranger told my friend that she didn't appreciate sadness. I know it was more complicated than that, but I still kind of hate The Stranger. That friend is one of my definitions of happiness (I have many including kittens, cookies, and love), and she brightens up rooms, situations, life etc. I appreciate how much my friend appreciates happiness. She is a role model because she appreciates and does" happiness" better than anyone I know. Happiness is great. It's like fuel. Like my dear friend, let's never take for granted happiness.

Have a happy, happy weekend, dears. 

The In-Flight Radio

Sometimes I feel like one of the worst things to do after you help someone who truly needs it (perhaps feeding someone or giving them shelter) is "feel good."

"Helping people makes me feel good." I hear this a lot. Sometimes from myself. I don't like this kind of response.

I don't like it, because I should not be pleased with myself for doing something that I am required to do. We are required to help each other and give people what they need as much as we can. I am not doing someone a favor when I give someone what they need -- I am just doing one of those life responsibilities. Do I pat myself on the back every time I breathe? Do I put on my resume how many meals I've had in the last year? Why are we so obsessed with the idea that helping people is optional? We are all entitled to getting what we need, and, with that, responsible for giving to others what they need if we can.


Now. With all of that being said, believe me what I tell you that I know there is more to this. That is all I have on the matter for now, but I am young and have only just started thinking about this. More to come.