I Can Feel The Static

I wear clothing like costumes. What I'm wearing reflects the particular persona I want to take on on that day, in that minute, that moment. If I'm upset about what I'm wearing, it's not because I'm self conscious about what someone's thinking. I mean, I really don't give a frick. I'm upset because I'm wearing someone else, and not what I'm feeling. I never managed to teach myself to "fake it" (which sounds like it'd make me genuine, but really it means I'm moody), so wearing the wrong thing can certainly be a frustrating thing. On that note, I'm getting up from my desk and changing out of this adorable dress and into my slouchy, lazy Nike shorts and a t-shirt.

I Know I Will Hear What I've Heard Before

"Is it wrong, wanting to be at home with your record collection? It's not like collecting records is like collecting stamps, or beermats, or antique thimbles. There's a whole world in here, a nicer, dirtier, more violent, more peaceful, more colorful, sleazier, more dangerous, more loving world than the world I live in; there is history, and geography, and poetry, and countless other things I should have studied at school, including music." 

— Nick Hornby (High Fidelity)

Don't Fix My Smile, Life Is Long Enough

Lo and behold, Trent Walker is an amazing writer. Despite knowing him for quite some time, he managed to keep this fact hidden from me. However, he sent me something that he wrote, and I just have to post it here. Read it as an introduction or first chapter in a book.

It's like an itch on the bottom of your foot that you can't scratch because your tennis shoe won't allow it. Your in a public place so all you can do is wiggle your foot around allowing the sole to gently rub against your sock causing a slight abrasion to your skin, soothing the itch to a minimal level of satisfaction. Five minutes later, it's back. All you want to do is sit down, in the middle of wherever you are, rip off your shoe and scratch. Scratch until the itch is gone, then put the shoe back on and happily go about your business. But this would cause people to stare, wondering why you're sitting on the floor without shoes on, touching your feet. This is a problem. When does it itch so badly that you begin to not care? I suppose its up to each individual's personality, self esteem or social concerns. Well, what if that itch were something less simple and the people watching were more important? The people watching could be your family, friends or anyone whose view was significant to you. Say, for instance, that itch was one of adventure, boredom, philosophy or passion. At what point does someone say, "Screw it, it itches too much." I'll tell you, that point changes throughout our lives. There is a critical period for freedom, for adventure. Just like the critical period for learning. We all know what that is. They say your mind is a sponge when you are a toddler and its the best time to learn how to speak, read, or write. Well, I suggest that there is a point of no return for our sense of freedom. I'll give it a number just for throwing around's sake. We will call it 18. That's a good number. If you don't take your shoe off and itch your damn foot before you are 18 then your chances of ever itching your foot exponentially decrease from that point onward. Now, I will admit, that is a bold claim based loosely on hardly any facts at all, but hey, how old are you? If you are young enough to wait around for facts then by all means, do so. Just keep wiggling your foot around if you have the time. Not all of us have that luxury. There's a deadline for adventure. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not telling you to snort the next line or you're dead. Don't let this little theory affect your drug usage. That's not my goal here. My goal is to tell you my story. My story of adventure is, I hope, an inspiring one. This is an experiment and you are a patient. In a few years, the results will be published. The Times will read something like "Critical Period for Adventure Theory Proven, Author a Genius!" or "Crack Pot Theorist Scams America into Buying Book and Running Off." Either way, you are going to have an adventure. Get ready. Have you ever seen the bored loser spin a globe, stop it with his finger, and go on vacation to wherever it landed? Screw that. What if his finger landed somewhere boring? No. That is dumb. Where do you want to go. I'll tell you where I wanted to go.

If....Why?

I saw this sign. I loved it. I took a picture!

Sail

The Archipelago Of Kisses by Jeffrey McDaniel

We live in a modern society. Husbands and wives don't
grow on trees, like in the old days. So where

does one find love? When you're sixteen it's easy, 

like being unleashed with a credit card

in a department store of kisses. There's the first kiss.

The sloppy kiss. The peck.

The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch. The we

shouldn't be doing this kiss. The but your lips

taste so good kiss. The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss.

The I wish you'd quit smoking kiss.

The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad

sometimes kiss. The I know

your tongue like the back of my hand kiss. As you get

older, kisses become scarce. You'll be driving

home and see a damaged kiss on the side of the road, 

with its purple thumb out. If you

were younger, you'd pull over, slide open the mouth's

red door just to see how it fits. Oh where

does one find love? If you rub two glances, you get a smile.

Rub two smiles, you get a warm feeling.

Rub two warm feelings and presto-you have a kiss. 

Now what? Don't invite the kiss over

and answer the door in your underwear. It'll get suspicious

and stare at your toes. Don't water the kiss with whiskey. 

It'll turn bright pink and explode into a thousand luscious splinters, 

but in the morning it'll be ashamed and sneak out of

your body without saying good-bye, 

and you'll remember that kiss forever by all the little cuts it left

on the inside of your mouth. You must

nurture the kiss. Turn out the lights. Notice how it

illuminates the room. Hold it to your chest

and wonder if the sand inside hourglasses comes from a

special beach. Place it on the tongue's pillow, 

then look up the first recorded kiss in an encyclopedia: beneath

a Babylonian olive tree in 1200 B.C.

But one kiss levitates above all the others. The

intersection of function and desire. The I do kiss.

The I'll love you through a brick wall kiss. 

Even when I'm dead, I'll swim through the Earth, 

like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones. 

So You Can Sing This Song

So, my good friend Danika showed me that Blogspot now let's you have Pages! I copied her (she made a bunch of art pages) by making one about the pictures I've been taking this year for my Photography class. It's the tab under the blog title called "My Attempt at Photography." All year I've been slaving away to get some sort of grasp on the art of photography and even though my work is still laughable, I cringe a little less at my photos now! I wanted to add some flair to this blog here of mine so I'll post some of my favorite pictures of the ones I've taken so far.

Something I've learned about Photography this year is how it actually is an art form. While I always appreciated a good picture, I had a hard time grasping the concept of a photographer as an artist... but now, I get it more. It's not about being able to push a button or change the settings on a camera; it's about being able to create a world within the frame of photograph, much like a painter creates another world upon a canvas.

Anyway, taking pictures is super fun and a wonderful way for me to take a step out of my own reality. Take a look for some amusement.

We Can Unwind and Just Be Free

"At least we know that if we die, we lived with passion."
-Will Pugh

I read this quote recently and, like most things I write about, it made me stop for a second to think. Live with passion. What does that look like? Is it a fiery red dress? Something like mischief in the eyes? A way of walking or holding oneself up? Maybe. Or maybe it's something completely different that you can't see, but know is there. I believe you can tell when someone lives with passion. They're the kind of person that draws you in because something about them excites you. I'm not talking about chemistry, that exists between two people. I'm talking about those people who you have a conversation with and have to do a double-take to see if there really was light bursting from within them or if that was just their personality, their soul. Those people who seem confident in themselves and in their destiny, not worried about Life and the many ways it holds you back and tears you down. I'm not saying they never break down, or get scared or tired. They just keep pushing forward, even if it feels like swimming through concrete. They're the kind of people who you can't help but wonder if they have private, giggling conversations with Life. If they and Life just sit around and gab about the things that make them laugh or make them think. They love Life and, more than that, they trust it like an old friend.

I think we all have the potential to be that person brightly spinning, flying forward 'till death do us part. We all have a life, it's just a matter of truly making it our own. To me, it's just like developing a new friendship into something you can count on- it takes time, honesty, a level of comfort, the ability to compromise and a whole lot of breakdowns- it just happens to be a relationship not with a person, but with Life.

We Built This World Of Our Own

One of the things that I love about music is that it makes you feel. It sets your whole body in motion; you can literally feel it. It's a world within itself and every song, every sound tells a story. And makes you feel like no one gets the main character of that story better than you do.

Here are some of my favorites of the last few months.
It's a variety, lemme tell ya now.

1. Thirteen. Ben Kweller.

2. History of Lovers. Calexico & Iron & Wine.

3. Airplanes. Local Natives.

4. Janglin. Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes.

5. Creature Fear. Bon Iver.

6. Hummingbird Heartbeat. Katy Perry (UH Duh.).

7. Fire Escape. Fanfarlo.

8. 3 Rounds and a Sound. Blind Pilot.

9. White Knuckles. OK Go.

10. Dancing On My Own. Robyn.

  

Ain't it grand? I'm obsessed with this album cover.

"Oh, reckless abandon"

This commercial makes me want to both go to college far away just to go far away and fly.

Diet Coke Commerical "Sweet Disposition"

Pictures Only Prove You Can't Convince

So, it turns out, I'm really weird and like taking close-up pictures of people's faces and pictures of feet and legs. Mk, cool. Why am I telling you this?! Because I'm going to jump on that bandwagon (this is not to make fun of photography blogs in the slightest. Those of you know that know me know exactly what I'm really poking fun at) and post some pictures that I've taken recently that I'm fond of. Are you rolling your eyes yet? If not, listen to this. I suck at photography so it's hilarious that I'm posting the only 3 or 4 pictures I've ever taken in my life that don't make me feel completely ashamed. So, now that I've made fun of myself, here is "Part 1 of The Picture Post." I know, isn't my alliteration to die for?

Rachel

Look at this little guy! His name is William and he holds my heart in his little hands. He is the son of Lauren, one of the most special people in my life, and he is amazing. I am obsessed with babies because the baby concept blows my mind. More on that later.

Kelly

Ahh, now for Part 2. In Photography, we worked on a photoshop project all last week and for it, we had to take our own pictures. Of course, upon hearing this, I wept for my grade and for the disappointment my parents would feel when they heard I failed Photography. But alas, I haven't failed yet and found the pictures I took of Rachel (my model) to be either neat or hilarious. Ha! And believe you me, they're neat only because of Rach, not because of my photography skills. In fact, the following pictures will be a true testament to where my skills lie on the picture-taking scale. Let's just say, Ms. Bottoms (my teacher) should be scared.

Cool, Rach. Who cut off your hand? Oh, wait. My bad.

Isn't she cool? This'll embarrass her a tad so if you see her around, tell her how awesome she is. Have a good weekend!

"Burning solid, burning thin the burning rim."

"When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."

When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire? The first time I heard this quote ("Your Ex-Lover is Dead" by Stars), I was speechless. There were so many images being tossed around in my head: chaos, self-destruction, burning people at the stake, riots, the burning of books. I was confused and shrank back. Very rarely do quotes inspire such a reaction in someone, and this is exactly why I took a lot of time to think about how I would come to interpret it.
When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire. The first interpretation I stuck with had to do with living in a place where all your belongings and things that matter to you have been taken away or "burned" and then, finally, one has to fight back and "set themselves on fire" with passion. A little cheesy, I know, but this is just what my head came up with.
This year, my second interpretation was a little more personal. As most of my fellow classmates have come to realize, this year hasn't exactly reached it's maximum potential yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great time, loving my classes and managing to enjoy yearbook most of the time, but still, there's been something missing. It's as if I burned through all of the things I mildly enjoyed and have gotten bored of the routine. Yes, I said "burned" for a reason. At this point, I feel like "there's nothing left to burn" and now, I "have to set myself on fire." Oh, crap. Doesn't that sound delightful. Well, to me, it does. When I hear set yourself on fire, to me it means to get passionate about something and throw yourself into it, learn all about it and want to share it with everyone. So now, I'm reading again and learning again and asking questions again and thinking weirdly again; I'm setting myself on fire in the best way I know how.

And, in conclusion, I ask you to do the same. Set yourself on fire. What do you like to do? Practice it. What do you wonder about? Delve into it. What do you want to share? Talk about it. Do whatever it takes to set yourself on fire.

"In this way, Mr. K will challenge the world"

I have this habit of trying to fit myself into a "type." We all do it, I know. In fact, that's something we learned about in Psychology a few days ago... but that's a whole something else. Anyway, "Types." Right. Most of the time I trick myself into believing that I do fall into a category, that I do make sense as a person, but then, on occasion, reality comes for a visit and points it finger at me and says, "drop the charade, man. You're full of contradictions and absurdities." So, let's just think about that for a sec. We all don't fit into a stereotype. All human beings. That just sounds like chaos to me. In my mind, I see the 6 billion people of the earth all dancing and screaming and talking at the same time. Ha. Can you imagine? Anyway... Moving on. What I'm getting at is every time I realize (again) that I don't nor do I need to fit into a mold, I get a little happier because I can embrace what I actually love instead of forcing myself to try and love something my type would love. Get it? Whatever. Neither do I. Kind of.

To illustrate what the heck I'm talking about, I decided to include some of the wonderful contradictions that make up the mess you know as "Lana" or "Lama" or "that hot mess" or"who is that girl talking to herself?" Mk. Judge away.

What I watch.

What I listen to.

What I read.

What I eat.

Who I grace with my friendship.

(BAHA)

Recognize contradictions like these within yourself? We are all more alike then we let on.

Life In 6 Words

I gave this post the title "Life In 6 Words" because of a great English assignment we'll be working on next week. Basically, we have to make a statement in 6 words. It can be anything, mean anything. Whatever. I have two that I might use but I won't share them now. I want to challenge you to do this. Say something in 6 words. Anything! Explain a concept. Make me laugh. Tell me a story. Whisper a secret... Just do it in 6 words. There's a youtube video that we watched in class that will explain this better than I did (sorry!). Enjoy.

Hope this is the right video! If not, that's embarrassing!

Mumford, SALT and Danika

Three things are on my mind today. I'm going to go over each one briefly (as briefly as I can that is) so I don't overwhelm you with 3 feet of copy to read. I'll consider myself thanked.

1) Earlier in the month, I mentioned a song called The Cave by Mumford & Sons. Well, recently I really looked at the lyrics and Music did that thing where it says, "Hey. I get it. I get it. Here's something to remind you that other's have been through this before."Oh, these lyrics. I often fall madly in love with songs and it's happened again. Here are some of my favorite sections of the lyrics-

"The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind."

"I'll know my name as it's called again."

"I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears."

"And see the world hanging upside down."

"Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be."

"Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind."

2) Now that I'm a senior, I get to (yes, I consider it a privilege!) be a SALT leader at MDUMC. SALT is basically the senior leadership group at MDUMC. While at first this was no big deal to me, I've gotten really excited about it in the past week. We had a meeting on Tuesday night that coincidently came at a time when I really needed to hear about the stability, security and refuge that being a SALT leader would provide. The high school staff was very persistent about letting us know that SALT isn't a job or something that will cause us stress by putting pressure on us  with expectations and mandatory activities. It exists to remind us that "it's going to be alright" while we're stressing and freaking out next year as "big and bad" but, in reality, scared and overwhelmed seniors. It really hit me (although I've known this all along) that they genuinely love us and want to make our lives easier and more peaceful and when I realized that, I got so excited and I felt so much better about my year. They know me so well over there so I won't have any trouble walking in on days when I'm doing really great or especially on days when I'm doing really bad. I just hope that every senior next year has what I have, a place to go where I will always be welcome and a place that provides an escape from my to-be hectic life.


Shoot. That wasn't brief... My bad.

3) Danika! Let's just talk about my friend, Danika. (Or Dani as normal people call her.) I bring up Dani because she just made a really cool blog that shows off her great designing skills. Did I mention she's Design Editor? We'll be taking next year by storm (I hope.) and have been talking about this year's book for ages now. No really, since July 2009. It's kind of embarrassing. Anyway, I've been friends with Danika for a long time now and known her for even longer and I'm excited to be finishing this part of my life with her by my side.

Oh! Here's the link to her blog. Danika's blog!

Night is weighing heavy now

This is something I got in an e-mail the other day and I wanted to share it with you because I absolutely loved it. It actually reminds me of Lauren L, my friend/mentor/"favorite aunt" figure, because she is wise, to the point and neat all around. The title of this post is a piece of the lyrics to the song "Come Awake" by David Crowder Band and I picked it because the title of this passage is called "The Awakening". It's really long so I underlined my favorite parts. Oh! And there's another new post (Arkansas) under this monster of a post.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

- - Author Unknown

Made to Dance In White Dresses

"We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true. 

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home. "


-To Write Love On Her Arms, the story


To Write Love On Her Arms Official Website

Off to Nashville with Colorful, Wonderful Claire

I know I promised a post about Paris but this is sadly not it. However, I am jetting off to Nashville, Tennessee to meet up with Claire and her mother for a weekend! After hanging out there, we'll be going to Missouri and then Arkansas where I will finally get to see a piece of Claire's past. I am so excited!

A random thought I had today (it's nothing special. Pretty obvious. Just one of those things that I needed to realize on my own):

We have a choice in very little. We don't have a choice in the obvious- who we are, where we come from and what our families are like- but, we also don't have choice in things like what we like, what our passions are and who we fall in love with. (Here comes an even more obvious thought.) We do, however, have a choice in what we embrace about ourselves. Last year, my junior year, I finally chose to openly enjoy the things that I love and I became much happier and made friends in the process. I hope I never get shy about what I like now that I know what it is that makes ME happy. I also hope that I never happen upon people who make me afraid to embrace the things that I love. So far, I haven't. And I am so blessed for that, for all of you!

Oh my.

"I spark a match and watch the candle burn.
The wick runs out and then love takes it's turn.
On fallen angels and broken sounds, we will last past the final round.

So save me love, save me all the time.
I'll wash you down with a simple sip of wine.
Toast my glass to all my loved ones.
To let them know that the stars, well they still shine."

-Trevor Hall

"Welcome to the Neighborhood"

Today was an interesting day in my neighborhood in that we got some new neighbors! In an effort to be a kind neighbor, my dad decided we needed to make cookies for them. Here is the note I wish I had the guts to attach. It's silly enough to be slightly embarrassing :)

It is with these crispy cookies,

although maybe a little too crispy, but don't judge us based on that,

that we issue you a “Welcome!”

That goes great with milk, might I add

Don't be intimidated by us,

we are your typical “over-friendly neighborhood”

And though we do love each other in that tight-knit group kind of way,

we also have a thing for new people

To neighborhood cook-outs

and holiday block parties,

offering a lot of laughs

(and a mean bowl of gumbo at that),

we welcome you

Musical Snacks

Here's some songs I've found out about recently... And some that I've known forever!


We all need unfamiliar noise every now and then, huh?


Enjoy!


1. Nobody Knows Me At All by The Weepies


2. Hallelujah by Kate Voegele OR Jeff Buckley- The lyrics, man. They're beautiful.


3. In My Haze feat. Jane Tyrrell by Horrowshow- Again, these lyrics! 


Let me highlight my three favorite verses...


"But I'ma spark up a thought
off every surface in this room
and just sit back and watch it all ablaze"

and...

"If these walls could talk

They might explain the wear and tear
But it's the same now as before
There's nothing left of what happened here"

AAANNNNDDDD

"Some say too much of a good thing
But to me there's no such thing
I just, just have to let this thing be good to me."

4. The Story I Heard by Blind Pilot


5. Cue the Sun by Daphne Loves Derby