The Beginning of the End

The beginning of the end. I have waited so long to say that about my first days of school. I never thought it would get here and now that it has, I couldn't be more excited and relieved. I made it. I survived and I am finally a senior. Now, when I originally started counting down the days until my last year (sadly I actually almost did starting 9th grade), I didn't like Memorial (my high school) nearly as much nor was I happy to be where I was/am... in high school in Houston, Texas but now, it's a different scenario, huh? I love the people around me, the school that I attend and the life that lies ahead of me but that doesn't take away from my excitement in the slightest. It just makes it different... more lighthearted and positive to say the least :) Anyway, sorry for that awful excuse for a paragraph; here's a list of the classes I'm taking this semester!

1st Period: Economics
While I was not looking forward to this class, I am now pretty happy about it. There's some fantastic kids with me and my teacher is a loud, hilarious football/baseball coach. Perfect for first period in my opinion! I'll definitely be awake after which is perfect for...
2nd Period: Calculus
I love math. I know that's so weird but I really enjoy it and it's great to get it out of the way so early in the day. Now I don't have to spend all of Yearbook studying for it! (I'm sure that'll make Ms. Hartman happy too...) Calculus marks the end of my two math classes. All the rest are thinking/creative/analysis starting with...
3rd Period: Yearbook
In case you're new here or happen to be a complete idiot, I am on the Yearbook staff at my school and it matters to me... to say the least. I have a small class (21 kids) which is what I wanted so that's nice. I'll be doing a lot of work in there seeing as our yearbook is huge so it'll be nice to get some relaxation from...
4th Period: Film Studies
One of the coolest classes offered at Memorial. Film studies. Don't it sound grand? I love movies and analyzing movies and talking about movies so I'm pretty sure this class is the perfect fit for me. We'll be covering a lot of genres and I hope we watch movies that I can discuss next in...
5th Period: Psychology
This will definitely be an interesting class. The teacher seems like a really funny, interesting lady and the material should be something I'll enjoy. We already have a cool assignment in which I get to stalk someone so I'm pretty sure I'll be successful considering I'm one of the creepiest people I know. In addition to improving my creepy observation skills, I feel like Psych really gives me a unique perspective on things which will be helpful when doing...
6th Period: Photography
Oh gosh. I am so nervous about this class. However, I have complete faith in my awesome teacher to make me into a somewhat decent photographer which, believe me, is a feat in and of itself. Something my teacher said yesterday really intrigued and got me even more excited. She was talking about how photography is a form of art and is one of her passions which got me pumped because who better to learn it from than someone who genuinely loves and appreciates it like she does? This "photography is an art" bit, however, made me realize that the creativity will leave me feeling mentally wiped out which means I shouldn't even show up to...
7th Period: English

Aww but I love English and books. I gotta go! Like in all my other classes I've got a great teacher and great peers so this one should be challenging but interesting and enjoyable none-the-less. Good thing I had an easy time with Crime and Punishment, huh? Anyway, I'm looking forward to looking at literature in a different way than the last two years because, like I said, I love me some perspective.

Gotta go do some Film Studies homework. Jealous? You should be. This is the first year ever where I'm really excited to do all of my homework. My how far we've come.

"Pictures Only Prove You Can't Convince"

It just hit me how much I feel like the people of our time, the people who are alive right now are just renting out the world. It's all so... temporary and brief. I was thinking about how I don't really care about leaving my mark for generations to come even though a lot of people do and then I thought about how fleeting this time is and how... well, no one cares that much about what we did after we're not alive anymore. That's scary and controversial and something most people don't want to hear but I mean, that's just how I feel. I mean, I don't disregard what everyone who is dead has done, of course not, but I respect them and their work and that's about it. It really matters what I'm doing right now with the people and things that I have and it shocks me how little time I have to live... I'm only going to be alive for like 80 more years max. That's freaky. Who cares about what I did after I'm dead? I don't want people to spend too much time focusing on what I did. I want them to enjoy the Life around them- the people, the pulse of where they're living, the things, the ideas, the passion- everything that is alive. The only way I want to be involved is in their growth and realizations and discussions, the things that make me feel alive. I don't want them to study the things that I did that won't affect them in anyway, that's a waste of time, I'm dead for crying out loud! Who cares! And now I'm going to flip that around and talk about how I'm going to live my life while I'm alive. I don't want to waste time on this world, on this place that I'm renting out for 100 years or less. I know I sound so cliché but I don't actually believe that 98% of people who talk like this actually mean it. I hope they do though. I want people to realize how short their lives are and how much they have to experience and appreciate. SO cliché. Oh well. I mean it.

Don't mind the grammatical errors. I wrote this quickly and am posting it without proofing it. Oh my gosh this is so long, I'm sorry.

Mumford, SALT and Danika

Three things are on my mind today. I'm going to go over each one briefly (as briefly as I can that is) so I don't overwhelm you with 3 feet of copy to read. I'll consider myself thanked.

1) Earlier in the month, I mentioned a song called The Cave by Mumford & Sons. Well, recently I really looked at the lyrics and Music did that thing where it says, "Hey. I get it. I get it. Here's something to remind you that other's have been through this before."Oh, these lyrics. I often fall madly in love with songs and it's happened again. Here are some of my favorite sections of the lyrics-

"The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind."

"I'll know my name as it's called again."

"I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears."

"And see the world hanging upside down."

"Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be."

"Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind."

2) Now that I'm a senior, I get to (yes, I consider it a privilege!) be a SALT leader at MDUMC. SALT is basically the senior leadership group at MDUMC. While at first this was no big deal to me, I've gotten really excited about it in the past week. We had a meeting on Tuesday night that coincidently came at a time when I really needed to hear about the stability, security and refuge that being a SALT leader would provide. The high school staff was very persistent about letting us know that SALT isn't a job or something that will cause us stress by putting pressure on us  with expectations and mandatory activities. It exists to remind us that "it's going to be alright" while we're stressing and freaking out next year as "big and bad" but, in reality, scared and overwhelmed seniors. It really hit me (although I've known this all along) that they genuinely love us and want to make our lives easier and more peaceful and when I realized that, I got so excited and I felt so much better about my year. They know me so well over there so I won't have any trouble walking in on days when I'm doing really great or especially on days when I'm doing really bad. I just hope that every senior next year has what I have, a place to go where I will always be welcome and a place that provides an escape from my to-be hectic life.


Shoot. That wasn't brief... My bad.

3) Danika! Let's just talk about my friend, Danika. (Or Dani as normal people call her.) I bring up Dani because she just made a really cool blog that shows off her great designing skills. Did I mention she's Design Editor? We'll be taking next year by storm (I hope.) and have been talking about this year's book for ages now. No really, since July 2009. It's kind of embarrassing. Anyway, I've been friends with Danika for a long time now and known her for even longer and I'm excited to be finishing this part of my life with her by my side.

Oh! Here's the link to her blog. Danika's blog!

"Hey Jojo, Don't you forget your name."

Over the last few days and especially today, I was wigging out. I couldn't really place my finger on why but I was definitely lashing out a little bit (sorry to those of you who had to deal with it) and doing the whole grumpy pout-cross-your-arms thing. Anyway, I was thinking about my life and asked myself, "well, what do you want to make your life about?" and was hit in the face with an epiphany. Naturally, I began writing a letter to myself (I sound so like an insane person. It's ridiculous.) and this is what happened.

"You choose what you make your life about.

Don't forget that.

You did not become stressed recently because of anything that happened to you.

You became stressed because you forgot that this is your life.

You choose what your life is about.

Last year,

that fateful junior year,

you started doing things because you wanted to do them.

Not because you were supposed to.

And you became happy

and felt productive

and satisfied

with your life.

You love yearbook.

Stop acting like it's something you have to do.

Because guess what?

You love it.

You chose to dedicate a part of your life to it next year

not because you were forced to

but because you wanted to.

Because you love it.

Don't forget why you love it.

Or hey,

stop forgetting that you love it.

And this college thing.

Get over it, man.

You love to write,

these essays should be making you happy.

And you want to go to college.

To learn

which is something you love,

something worth making your life about.

So buck up.

You love learning.

And you're applying to colleges because you want to go.

Not because you have to.

Stop doing the things you love because you feel like you have to do them.

You're just lucky what you have to do is something you love.

No wonder you crashed.

You idiot.

Stop “playing the part” of the dramatic teenage girl.

It's not satisfying.

And you know it.

Do things because you want to.

You have so much good ahead of you.

Why do you keep forgetting this?

It is your life.

What do you want to make it about?

Idiot."

So cheesy. But it's so what I needed to realize in that moment. 

Frayed Edges

Home. Let Me Go Ho-o-ome...

And it starts with a plane ride. And ends with a plane ride. Airplanes are weird. They are both a greeting and a farewell; you are both leaving and going. Planes. The dramatic Hellogoodbye. Dang. Today, I peaced Brown and it was wet and snotty and sad. Weepy. It was weepy. Goodbye. I'd have to say I left with a lot more than I came with. New friends, new abs (laughter, guys. Please. Like I would ever start “working out”), new perspectives, and 10 pounds worth of new stuff (Continental let it slide though). What a surreal experience. Freakin' weird. I mean, think about it. You grab (about) 18 different girls with 18 completely different lives and throw them all together in Hegeman A (including Javier, of course) in Providence, Rhode Island of all places. You make them live together, give them nothing to do (Providence, you kind of suck) except spend time with each other, and make sure they know that this is the only thing tying them all together. It's almost cruel but it's awesome at the same time and while we all were homesick and ready to go home, there were still tears over seeing each other for the last time. And then there's that, the going home part, the hello part of the dramatic airplane ride. I am ecstatic to go back to my life again. After two months. Two months. I did it. I made it through and I'd have to say I'm a little different. I am a little battered, a little crazier (shocker.) and a little older. Whatever I am, I'm going home. Home is a strange concept to me now. I kind of forgot what it's like to have your own space that you can do whatever you want with. I've jumped around so much in the past two months that even the idea of leaving your things in the bathroom instead of having a little bathroom bag to carry stuff back and forth is foreign to me. Even when I was home for 3 days, it didn't feel like home. It was just the next place I was staying before taking off. Not my own permanent residence. How strange is that?I mean, it's not a bad thing. I'm certainly not complaining but it is very weird to me and not something I really like. Hello, Home. You are a concept that I am aching to understand again. Hello, life, friends, room, family.

I'll miss you, guys!

Here I am. Saying hellogoodbye on an airplane (I'll have been on 9 planes this summer) for the last time.

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The best of “Summer 2010” playlist thus far. I'm sure after the whole yearbook camp thing and staying with Grace, I'll have some more great jams.

Home shouldn't even be mentioned at this point but I'm putting it at the top anyway.

Nobody Knows Me At All by The Weepies

Signs by Bloc Party

Lemonade by CocoRosie

California by Phantom Planet

17 by Sky Ferreira

I Am Not A Robot by Marina and the Diamonds

Skinny Love by Bon Iver

Boston by Augustana

***Strong and Courageous by Kirby McDaniel

King of Anything by Sara Bareilles

For the Widows in Paradise by Sufjan Stevens

Give Me One Reason to Stay by Tracy Chapman

You Make My Dreams by Daryl Hall & John Oates

The Cave by Mumford & Sons

***This is a beautiful song by one of my good friends Kirby. Check her song out on iTunes, and if you don't know her but could, TALK TO HER; she's an amazing person.

Things You Just Get Used To

So, as many of you know, I have been out and about in the world for about two months now. After traveling in 3 different countries and, in the US, 10 different states, there is a pretty interesting list of things you just get used to.

1. Accents- Everyone's got a great accent (including myself sometimes). From my cousin's Syrian accent to the French waiter's hot accent to Kat's (Claire's good friend from Arkansas) southern accent to Cansu's Turkish accent to Lexi's northern accent to Clara's English accent to Javier's Puerto Rican accent to my random y'alls, there has been a lot of different ways to say "tomato" if you know what I mean. For those of you that know me, you know I am eating this UP. I love accents! They are hilarious. I swear the reason we all have different accents is because it's so freaking funny.

2. "Let's just ask the locals."- When you're in a new place and you're starving and ready to eat, you better get over being shy and being a tourist. After a horrible incident in Paris that involved picking a random restaurant, my father and I learned quickly that the best thing to do is "just ask the locals."

3. Weird Phrases- This kind of goes along with accents but there were too many great Clara-inpsired phrases to not mention weird lingo. Let's see. There's... playsuits instead of rompers, braces instead of suspenders, pop instead of soda, fives instead of shuffle, argyle instead of hookah, and (thanks, Deb) "Pop this blowsicle stand" instead of well... that one's self-explanatory.

Cansu, me

In our RAWmpers. 

Photo by Kristie Fan

4. "Bipolar Weather"- While it has been summer everywhere I've gone, it is weird to adjust to 13948239587 different temperatures, weather patterns and humidity. My poor hair has been through so much not to mention my skin is as confused as I'd be in a level 5 Chinese class. You just gotta learn to always have an umbrella nearby, master the messy bun and enjoy the good days.

5. Airplanes- Sadly, airports and airplanes are more familiar to me than my own home at this point. Oh well, last time in a long time (I hope...) will be in only 3 days!

6. Bathroom Keys- I don't know why but about half the bathrooms I use in the north require some sort of key. I find myself needing to go to the bathroom and asking one of the employees for a key only to have them hand me a really strange object. After about 30 seconds, I realize there's a key attached to it but I never fail to be confused at first every time. I mean, you just don't expect someone's response to your plea to use the bathroom to entail them handing you a giant metal spoon or the top to a plastic tub of ice cream.

7. Water Bottles- You want water when you're thirsty, you better have one of those babies. Besides the two or three times I've eaten in the dining hall, I don't remember when the last time was that good-tasting water (hotel faucet water is vile) came from the tap.

8. "Hi, my name is Lana! I come from Texas. (pause) No, I don't have a gun license nor do I own a horse." and "Yes, I did just say y'all. (pause) Please get over it now. (pause) It's really not that funny."- Self explanatory.

9. "Home" by ESMZ- It always seems to start and end with this song, the theme song to my summer. I swear I've mentioned this song about every time I post something but oh well, it's always worth mentioning. I've listened to this song without fail at least twice a day. It connects me to the people at home and now to the people at Brown as well for they all seem to know and love it (MOLLY, WHY DO YOU WE LIVE IN TEXAS?!).