Brown: Day.... 5? Who Knows At This Point

Gotta love some Thayer street.

Hello, hello! I know it's been a couple days but between the people, the reading, the classes, the food, the sun and the walking, I really haven't found the time! By the time I go to bed (shockingly about 1 or 2 a.m. Which for me is late!), I'm exhausted. As I'm sure you've gathered, I have been really busy because there's so much to do and while that's awesome, it definitely comes with a lesson or two. During our first floor meeting, my RA Amy was talking about how we were going to have to learn “time-managent” because of how much freedom we have. I, of course, scoffed and flipped my hair because, in my oh so experienced opinion, I already knew everything about time management. Unsurprisingly, I was wrong. Always so wrong! Ah well, at least I'm learning. I failed the first day. Miserably failed. I ended up with 25 pages worth (which is nothing compared to an actual college load. I know.) of scientific article to read at about one in the morning (which, for me, is quite late). Sheesh. Naturally, it didn't get done and I was a little lost the next day. Besides that, everything's been pretty easy-going! There are the greatest girls in my dorm and the weather has been really great! My favorite thing to do is lay out on the green on a blanket and just talk to the friends I've made. It's so wonderful. So wonderful in fact that yesterday I did it for oh... 4 hours? It was blissful. Speaking of the girls in my dorm, living in a building with 20 or so girls that you JUST met has been a really neat and weird experience. I know that I'm extremely comfortable around them already and thinking about how awkward and shy I felt only 4 days ago is surreal. I never understood what people meant when they said about experiences like this but I'm starting to get it. I guess what makes that “get-to-know-you” process go faster is the fact that I live with these girls and they are the group of friends that I have here. I don't know. Either way, it's been really awesome. More later! I'm exhausted and hope to take a little nap before my “How to Find the Right School for You” seminar... Yay college.

Christiana, Debbi, Marissa, Lexi

We walk so much. It's lovely because I like being outside and the weather is superb.

Lexi, me

Lexi from Cleveland, Ohio. She has an AAAccent.

Christiana, Lexi

This is the green and our little "study" spot.

Brown: Day 1

Today I arrived at Brown in Providence, Rhode Island for my 2 weeks in the Summer@Brown program. I have a single and am in a triple suite with two really sweet girls. My floor is a good group as is my whole dorm. There are girls here from London (she's actually FROM Italy though and got really offended when someone said Nutella was French... It's Italian apparently), New York, India, Turkey, Minnesota.... everywhere! I, however, always mumble "Texas" whenever I say where I'm from and rightfully so because today I was asked if I had a gun license. A GUN LICENSE. I've embarrassingly said y'all like 135723958797 times today but that's okay, it was "cute" apparently. While today was about socializing and getting moved in (I NEED TO BUY A FAN. It's hotter than Texas because there's no AC), tomorrow I start classes! Yay! I'm taking the Special Topics in Developmental Psychology: Socio-emotional Development in Children and Adolescents class. I cannot WAIT to go and learn and talk to my professor and be a little (pre-)college kid. I will have homework (which I'm actually excited about) but will NOT be doing it in my closet-sized, sweltering hot dorm room. My room is something to laugh about. It is in the corner on the very top floor (I, being the diva that I am, packed 2 HUGE suitcases and now will have to carry them down by myself on the last day) and has some serious wall issues. I won't elaborate because I'm trying to cut down on the whining that I do (you can thank me later) but I've, of course, included a picture for your entertainment!

It's a joke but I love it anyway! Yay college.

Lolly

I've Been Everywhere With You

I decided to write a letter to Molly here because I miss her so and figured this would be more special than another e-mail. Inside this letter, you will find references to some great music, T.V. Shows and restaurants. Plus, for those of you who know Molly, this is a great time for you to bask in her cuteness. Bask on!

Hi, Molly. We are thousands of miles apart and have been all summer (except for one fateful July evening) and still, Molly, you have been a huge part of my summer. The e-mails alone have been a huge part of that! They mirror a typical conversation between us, some serious talk paired with the entertaining silly stuff... bia. And while that has been one way you have been a part of my summer, there is also the way you've been present in the music, the laughs and the even the sights.

The song “Home” (the song you showed me, the song for your alarm, the song that WAS Hart's baptism, and so many other moments) has been my theme song all summer and I play it whenever I get homesick and miss my life and friends.

Molly, you set the soundtrack for the road-trip with Claire! We listened to “California” the O.C. song, “I am Not A Robot” by Marina and the Diamonds, “Home”, and “17” by Sky Ferreira over and over again. Not to mention, I definitely wrote your name in a guest book in one the places we visited and put New York City as your city.

I, as you already know, have watched the O.C. obsessively all summer and even got Ryan and Al into it. Not to mention, Claire and I watched it in the car on the long car rides which definitely made them all the more fun.

I see things that make me think of you all the time! For example, most of the activities in the schools I'm visiting involve Wilderness-esque things and it makes me laugh every time 

I picture you ending up in one of these schools and being peer pressured into hiking up a frozen mountain. There's little things too like there was a restaurant in Hannover called Molly's and I insisted that we go there solely because it was your name. Silly, I know but fun none-the-less. It turned out to be a really good spot and I'm sure the restaurant really did have something to do with because the menu's were record sleeves of all different albums. It was so neat! Plus, the food was delicious.

The Molly's menu

Oh, and Molly, I'm in New York right now... (although it is the middle of nowhere countryside) New Yoooork! I look forward to visiting NYC and all the other wonderful places we will be traveling to together.

Al and I watched Kinglsey last night.

So, Molls, Lolly, Molly Bolly, I cannot wait to talk to you when you get back. While I still will not be in Houston, it will be an improvement from this e-mail every three days act. And, of course, I cannot wait to see you and fall back into the old familiar patterns of text Molly until I fall asleep, wake up at 3 a.m. to find messages on my phone from her and respond to find her still awake ooooorrrr wake up in the morning for school and respond, then finish conversation at school in R206 (and in the horrible case of junior year, Duke's classroom). So, until our Tiny's lunchdate, yearbook camp and some great walks, I miss you and I love you!

Ohio

Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie.

I am now (well, not anymore...) in Ohio visiting my dad's parents, Grandma and Grandpa Baumgartner. My grandmother lives in Bryan and my grandfather lives on a farm by Archbold, both places are in the tippy-top northwest corner of Ohio. Like the countryside we drove through last week, the scenery here is beautiful and the weather is usually pretty great even though right now, it's unusually hot. The farm has been in my family since 1982 and I've always loved coming and relaxing and exploring the barn. While the farm is nice and quiet, Bryan is.... well, it's also nice and quiet considering it's a really tiny town. The movie theatre plays 2 or 3 movies and there's a courthouse that you can see from basically anywhere in town. Both places are so relaxing in their own way. Oh, Ohio, you are such a wonderful Pause button on my life.

Night is weighing heavy now

This is something I got in an e-mail the other day and I wanted to share it with you because I absolutely loved it. It actually reminds me of Lauren L, my friend/mentor/"favorite aunt" figure, because she is wise, to the point and neat all around. The title of this post is a piece of the lyrics to the song "Come Awake" by David Crowder Band and I picked it because the title of this passage is called "The Awakening". It's really long so I underlined my favorite parts. Oh! And there's another new post (Arkansas) under this monster of a post.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

- - Author Unknown

Arkansas

Barefoot on a Summer Night.

Yes, it's a been awhile since I went to Arkansas, but it is definitely worth writing about none-the-less. We arrived after a long drive from Missouri and headed on over to our adorable inn. It used to be some sort of school or maybe a girls dorm or something but it was a beautiful house/building type thing and best of all, it was apparently haunted. While we did not have to do any ghost busting, I did have a fit trying to take a shower with the curtain open because I was as scared as five-year-old would've been. Sorry, Claire and Mrs. Hogan... the fault for the water all over the bathroom floor is my own. At least I survived! Anyway, we had heard that it was haunted earlier that evening at dinner when we met up with Mrs. Hogan's friend, Justin. Justin is a professor at U of A, which we toured the next day, and teaches an anthropology class. Justin was AWESOME. He thought it was really neat that Claire and I are best friends and do the yearbook thing together and yet are really different. He also was able to help me sort through the socio-anthro-psycho mess that I've been trying to figure out. The following day, we visited U of A like I previously mentioned and it was fun walk around campus and after that, eating and shopping, we headed out to El Dorado, Claire's hometown.

I absolutely loved seeing El Dorado because I got to see a whole other side of Claire's life, one that is is so special to her. The town is adorable and so full of character and the scenery is absolutely beautiful. After getting settled in (and playing Christmas songs on the piano, but that's another story), we met up with Claire's friend Kat and spent the rest of the night with her doing all sorts of interesting, funny things. Kat seemed really cool and I can see why Claire likes her. Over all, it was a great time. I cannot express how neat it was for me to have Claire share that aspect of her life and how happy it made me!

Missouri

Man, oh man, you're my best friend.

Today, today we woke up early to go to University of Missouri for the morning. We learned a lot and now feel much better about this whole "college" thing aaaaaaaand Mizzou is definitely on the list now for the both of us. It's a fantastic journalism school so we definitely had yearbook on our mind. Oh wait, we always have yearbook on our mind. Above is the creepy tiger we tried to avoid and scoffed at just minutes before this picture was taken. I swear he heard us. 

Mrs Hogan: We'll take this for Ms. Hartman!

I love Claire's photos.

Acme shirts. It's a t-shirt design company. SUPER cool store.

Just editing the Declaration for Thomas. 

(Claire just goes: Holly Hartman's minions... CO-CHIEFS!)

Long day.

Made to Dance In White Dresses

"We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true. 

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home. "


-To Write Love On Her Arms, the story


To Write Love On Her Arms Official Website

Nashville

Alleyways and Pay Phone Calls.

ALL PHOTOS BY CLAIRE AND MRS. HOGAN

Reporting from... the road. 70 west going to Missouri. Who KNOWS where exactly that is. Anyway, we have a special guest here with us. Her name is Claire and she is my travelling companion for this week but normally, she is my life companion (we're best friends) and for next year, my yearbook companion! Yes, this is the co-chief Claire (great nickname, we know).

Claire has decided to make a cheer with this little nickname. She had the wonderful idea to do a spin off of the Hillshire Farm commercials (Hillshire Farm... GO MEAT!)... so far, we've got.

Memorial High... CO-CHIEFS!

R206... CO-CHIEFS!

Reata 11... CO-CHIEFS!

And my personal favorite and a reflection of Claire's wonderful creativity...

Holly Hartman's minions (you get to say it really fast)... CO-CHEIFS!

Ms. Hartman, if you're reading this, what are your thoughts? Is there one you would prefer?

Wooh. So, after arriving in Nashville at 10 p.m. And on the way to our hotel, we stopped at the famous Blue Bird Cafe. While enjoying some delicious spinach dip and chips, we listened to some fellows play country music. Now, I am not one for country music OR concerts but I sure did enjoy that night. It was very intimate and, unlike the concerts I'VE been to, you could tell that the reason people were there was because of the music. They quietly, calmly and happily listened to the music, which was actually pretty enjoyable. After purchasing t-shirts and taking some pictures, we drove over to our hotel. Funny situation our hotel. We planned on staying at the Grand Ole Opry but sadly enough, it got flooded so the guests were moved next door to The Radisson where we had an outdoor room and a toilet that, as Claire put it, sounded as “people shrieking and dying in a dark alley.” Claire says it was as if she was being attacked by a Death Eater. We got some sleep after chatting about our trips and I managed to steal the covers right off of her cold, miserable body. Lana: 1, Claire: 0. Win! Then, we started off our day.

After waking up, chatting some more and leaving Magda (our maid) a nice note, we headed out. First, we went to Vanderbilt and had a disappointing adventure (we chickened out of setting off the alarm in one of the buildings we allegedly broke into it). We did, however, make some friends with a mom and son, Carson or Carter or something, who were from New York City. Oh, they LIVE the life. Deciding it was time for lunch, we drove on over to Broadway street and ate some absolutely delicious barbeque at Jack's. While Mrs. Hogan waited in line (it's a popular place, folks), Claire and I walked around and into some stores and it was at THAT moment that I realized just how southern Nashville is. Oh, so southern, guys. 

Claire

Typical (ha) Nashville Mural

Record Store (Only country music. Shocker.)

Hatch Show Print. It's actually a historical building AND a shop. It was AWESOME.

So anyway, lunch. Let me tell you, I've never had a BBQ sandwich (and OKAY, like 4 ribs too which may or may not be double what Claire ate) as great as that one. After another walk down Broadway St, we decided to visit the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum for a little bit. 

We stayed a lot longer than expected and actually got kicked out but only because it was actually a really nice time! It's very thorough and well done, the museum is. Next up was a short walk down 21^st St where Claire and I popped our heads into some stylish, and way too expensive stores. I'd have to say they best part was that a lot of stores have pets! One of which, an adorable little kitten, fell in love with Claire. I was super jealous. Then, to finish the day off, we went to the Grand Ole Opry.

 It was definitely some great entertainment. We listened to many different singers perform and some FANTASTIC musicians and it really was a great experience. 

On the way to the car though, we ran into some trouble. We decided to take the service elevator down to the garage floor and only after closing the door did we realize that you are not allowed to go on the service elevator and the only way to get the doors to open again is to have a pass key. 

Trapped.

Between Mrs. Hogan hitting the alarm button, Claire laughing and me banging on the door, the security guard heard us and happily released us. It was hilarious. Eventually, we made it to the car and I fell asleep shortly after that in the car while Claire and her mom got lost (that's what they told me anyway. I was long gone at that point) and enjoyed a good rest after a good, long day.

Sunday, (today) we woke up early (ha.) and drove on over to the Pancake Pantry where we feasted on some delicious sweet potato pancakes after waiting in line for an hour an a half (it was worth it). Our tummies full, we drove on over the Chihuly Botanical Garden Exhibit and even though it was extremely hot, we were still able to appreciate the art. Chihuly is a glass artist and he is original and wonderfully talented and his pieces looked so good amongst the beautiful flowers and plants. 

WAY too hot.

Claire doing something she loves and is very good at, taking photos

Afterwards, we stopped at the Loveless Cafe and Motel to grab some fried tomatoes, which are pretty good, and then carried on our way to Missouri.

After thinking about the name Loveless Cafe and Motel, I decided that Claire and I should open up a small cafe in Houston specifically for people who have just gone through break-ups called, wait for it, the Loveless Cafe. At this cafe, we'll serve all the best comfort foods, have fresh baked cookies on demand and comfortable couches and, of course, a lending library. We'll get rich so there's really no point in us continuing to look at colleges.

And that was the end of Nashville.  

Off to Nashville with Colorful, Wonderful Claire

I know I promised a post about Paris but this is sadly not it. However, I am jetting off to Nashville, Tennessee to meet up with Claire and her mother for a weekend! After hanging out there, we'll be going to Missouri and then Arkansas where I will finally get to see a piece of Claire's past. I am so excited!

A random thought I had today (it's nothing special. Pretty obvious. Just one of those things that I needed to realize on my own):

We have a choice in very little. We don't have a choice in the obvious- who we are, where we come from and what our families are like- but, we also don't have choice in things like what we like, what our passions are and who we fall in love with. (Here comes an even more obvious thought.) We do, however, have a choice in what we embrace about ourselves. Last year, my junior year, I finally chose to openly enjoy the things that I love and I became much happier and made friends in the process. I hope I never get shy about what I like now that I know what it is that makes ME happy. I also hope that I never happen upon people who make me afraid to embrace the things that I love. So far, I haven't. And I am so blessed for that, for all of you!

The Last of Syria

Alabama, Arkansas, I do love my ma and pa.

Here is a chunk of my journal entry about my thoughts on the 2010 trip to Syria-

There is comfort in night, in mealtimes with other people, in understanding, in community, in laughter, in common interests, in music, in harmless mischief, in family. Family. How strange it is to have a family. People I would not otherwise have known had I not been related to them. I honestly see family as a group of random people bonded together no matter what. And I've come to believe that through the practice of Family (being forced to love a random group of people) we learn to take the time to find the lovable qualities in anyone, the way we had to with our family. Huh. What wonderful people, these people.

(a ton of) Pictures from Syria

You're the apple of my eye.

 

Front balcony

Views from the balcony onto a typical street in Damascus

Old mosque by our grandmother's place

Jabri House (our family's restaurant)

Beit Jabri (or Jabri house in english) from the second floor

Street in old Damascus (they're tiny!)

View from "my spot" on the back balcony. Sorry about the bars in the picture, they're an irritating "nice touch" to the cute balcony

My new car! I wish.

Typical apartment building. I actually got chewed out for taking this picture by the taxi driver and my mom because we were driving right by the president's house and apparently, you CANNOT take pictures by there or you'll have your bottom handed to you.

Me, Geoffrey, Ryan

Dinner with the Abrahams, really good family friends of ours. Geoffrey and Keenan (those are the boys) both go to A&M. Always fun!

Old ruin in Old Damascus... I'm so sorry I can't tell you more about it!

Little shop in Old Damascus. Cute, isn't it?

City in the mountain... Looks a little different than down the mountain

My uncle's "ranch". I loved going here because we're out away from the city, the weather and food's great, and of course, it's really fun to hang out with my family.

Really crappy picture, but look! It's green! Aaaaand, no camels :)

The youngest of the seven grandchildren, Jad. We mostly call him Jado though because he's so cute.

Typical. This is a hookah that my family owns. I'd be nervous to find out how many we own.

Typical breakfast with the fam. (I got a lot of "typical" pictures so I'll be using that word a lot)

Typical (told ya) dessert! They eat so healthy there and it's delicious. I love it

Ryan playing (probably unfairly) basketball with Fufi (Rafik is his real name. He's Jado's older brother) and Jad

I think it's beautiful there, no?

OH MY GOD SO TYPICAL. This is my uncle doing a strip tease for me and the camera... and everyone else at Fufi's birthday party. Much better than a clown, sure

Jado, Tamooh

Tamooh is closest to me in age (he's 16)... and closest to me in general. He's really smart, creative, funny and just a joy all around

All seven of us. If you look closely (hopefully you don't have to look too closely), you'll see that I'm the only girl and the oldest. I actually really like it that way

Jad, Omar, Fufi, Hamoodeh, Ryan, Tamooh, me

The seven lined up by age. We're actually at this Crusader castle on the top of this gorgeous mountain. It's fascinating to be in if you think about all of the emotions and thoughts that those walls saw.

Ryan, Hamoodeh

 Hamoodeh is Tamooh's younger brother and the middle child of my aunt's 3 kids. He's Ryan's age and very different than Tamooh; he likes the bad-A image.

Hamoodeh, Khalto Roula (or, in english, Aunt Roula)

Tamooh

Omar, Ryan

Omar is the youngest of my aunt's 3. He is Fufi's age, 11, and one of the sweetest kids that I know. He and Ryan like beating each other up and the picture above is proof.

Snack time

Statue of Liberty?

Tamooh and his crown

Omar. So adorable.

Tamooh, Ryan

We were talking about politics. I knew more than I thought. And yet, still so little...

Me, Mom, Teta (my grandmother)

The 3 generations

Those are my favorites! All 2340927349238752935623987 of them. I have one last post and then I'm moving on to Paris!