The Beginning of the End

The beginning of the end. I have waited so long to say that about my first days of school. I never thought it would get here and now that it has, I couldn't be more excited and relieved. I made it. I survived and I am finally a senior. Now, when I originally started counting down the days until my last year (sadly I actually almost did starting 9th grade), I didn't like Memorial (my high school) nearly as much nor was I happy to be where I was/am... in high school in Houston, Texas but now, it's a different scenario, huh? I love the people around me, the school that I attend and the life that lies ahead of me but that doesn't take away from my excitement in the slightest. It just makes it different... more lighthearted and positive to say the least :) Anyway, sorry for that awful excuse for a paragraph; here's a list of the classes I'm taking this semester!

1st Period: Economics
While I was not looking forward to this class, I am now pretty happy about it. There's some fantastic kids with me and my teacher is a loud, hilarious football/baseball coach. Perfect for first period in my opinion! I'll definitely be awake after which is perfect for...
2nd Period: Calculus
I love math. I know that's so weird but I really enjoy it and it's great to get it out of the way so early in the day. Now I don't have to spend all of Yearbook studying for it! (I'm sure that'll make Ms. Hartman happy too...) Calculus marks the end of my two math classes. All the rest are thinking/creative/analysis starting with...
3rd Period: Yearbook
In case you're new here or happen to be a complete idiot, I am on the Yearbook staff at my school and it matters to me... to say the least. I have a small class (21 kids) which is what I wanted so that's nice. I'll be doing a lot of work in there seeing as our yearbook is huge so it'll be nice to get some relaxation from...
4th Period: Film Studies
One of the coolest classes offered at Memorial. Film studies. Don't it sound grand? I love movies and analyzing movies and talking about movies so I'm pretty sure this class is the perfect fit for me. We'll be covering a lot of genres and I hope we watch movies that I can discuss next in...
5th Period: Psychology
This will definitely be an interesting class. The teacher seems like a really funny, interesting lady and the material should be something I'll enjoy. We already have a cool assignment in which I get to stalk someone so I'm pretty sure I'll be successful considering I'm one of the creepiest people I know. In addition to improving my creepy observation skills, I feel like Psych really gives me a unique perspective on things which will be helpful when doing...
6th Period: Photography
Oh gosh. I am so nervous about this class. However, I have complete faith in my awesome teacher to make me into a somewhat decent photographer which, believe me, is a feat in and of itself. Something my teacher said yesterday really intrigued and got me even more excited. She was talking about how photography is a form of art and is one of her passions which got me pumped because who better to learn it from than someone who genuinely loves and appreciates it like she does? This "photography is an art" bit, however, made me realize that the creativity will leave me feeling mentally wiped out which means I shouldn't even show up to...
7th Period: English

Aww but I love English and books. I gotta go! Like in all my other classes I've got a great teacher and great peers so this one should be challenging but interesting and enjoyable none-the-less. Good thing I had an easy time with Crime and Punishment, huh? Anyway, I'm looking forward to looking at literature in a different way than the last two years because, like I said, I love me some perspective.

Gotta go do some Film Studies homework. Jealous? You should be. This is the first year ever where I'm really excited to do all of my homework. My how far we've come.

"Pictures Only Prove You Can't Convince"

It just hit me how much I feel like the people of our time, the people who are alive right now are just renting out the world. It's all so... temporary and brief. I was thinking about how I don't really care about leaving my mark for generations to come even though a lot of people do and then I thought about how fleeting this time is and how... well, no one cares that much about what we did after we're not alive anymore. That's scary and controversial and something most people don't want to hear but I mean, that's just how I feel. I mean, I don't disregard what everyone who is dead has done, of course not, but I respect them and their work and that's about it. It really matters what I'm doing right now with the people and things that I have and it shocks me how little time I have to live... I'm only going to be alive for like 80 more years max. That's freaky. Who cares about what I did after I'm dead? I don't want people to spend too much time focusing on what I did. I want them to enjoy the Life around them- the people, the pulse of where they're living, the things, the ideas, the passion- everything that is alive. The only way I want to be involved is in their growth and realizations and discussions, the things that make me feel alive. I don't want them to study the things that I did that won't affect them in anyway, that's a waste of time, I'm dead for crying out loud! Who cares! And now I'm going to flip that around and talk about how I'm going to live my life while I'm alive. I don't want to waste time on this world, on this place that I'm renting out for 100 years or less. I know I sound so cliché but I don't actually believe that 98% of people who talk like this actually mean it. I hope they do though. I want people to realize how short their lives are and how much they have to experience and appreciate. SO cliché. Oh well. I mean it.

Don't mind the grammatical errors. I wrote this quickly and am posting it without proofing it. Oh my gosh this is so long, I'm sorry.

Mumford, SALT and Danika

Three things are on my mind today. I'm going to go over each one briefly (as briefly as I can that is) so I don't overwhelm you with 3 feet of copy to read. I'll consider myself thanked.

1) Earlier in the month, I mentioned a song called The Cave by Mumford & Sons. Well, recently I really looked at the lyrics and Music did that thing where it says, "Hey. I get it. I get it. Here's something to remind you that other's have been through this before."Oh, these lyrics. I often fall madly in love with songs and it's happened again. Here are some of my favorite sections of the lyrics-

"The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind."

"I'll know my name as it's called again."

"I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears."

"And see the world hanging upside down."

"Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be."

"Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind."

2) Now that I'm a senior, I get to (yes, I consider it a privilege!) be a SALT leader at MDUMC. SALT is basically the senior leadership group at MDUMC. While at first this was no big deal to me, I've gotten really excited about it in the past week. We had a meeting on Tuesday night that coincidently came at a time when I really needed to hear about the stability, security and refuge that being a SALT leader would provide. The high school staff was very persistent about letting us know that SALT isn't a job or something that will cause us stress by putting pressure on us  with expectations and mandatory activities. It exists to remind us that "it's going to be alright" while we're stressing and freaking out next year as "big and bad" but, in reality, scared and overwhelmed seniors. It really hit me (although I've known this all along) that they genuinely love us and want to make our lives easier and more peaceful and when I realized that, I got so excited and I felt so much better about my year. They know me so well over there so I won't have any trouble walking in on days when I'm doing really great or especially on days when I'm doing really bad. I just hope that every senior next year has what I have, a place to go where I will always be welcome and a place that provides an escape from my to-be hectic life.


Shoot. That wasn't brief... My bad.

3) Danika! Let's just talk about my friend, Danika. (Or Dani as normal people call her.) I bring up Dani because she just made a really cool blog that shows off her great designing skills. Did I mention she's Design Editor? We'll be taking next year by storm (I hope.) and have been talking about this year's book for ages now. No really, since July 2009. It's kind of embarrassing. Anyway, I've been friends with Danika for a long time now and known her for even longer and I'm excited to be finishing this part of my life with her by my side.

Oh! Here's the link to her blog. Danika's blog!

"Hey Jojo, Don't you forget your name."

Over the last few days and especially today, I was wigging out. I couldn't really place my finger on why but I was definitely lashing out a little bit (sorry to those of you who had to deal with it) and doing the whole grumpy pout-cross-your-arms thing. Anyway, I was thinking about my life and asked myself, "well, what do you want to make your life about?" and was hit in the face with an epiphany. Naturally, I began writing a letter to myself (I sound so like an insane person. It's ridiculous.) and this is what happened.

"You choose what you make your life about.

Don't forget that.

You did not become stressed recently because of anything that happened to you.

You became stressed because you forgot that this is your life.

You choose what your life is about.

Last year,

that fateful junior year,

you started doing things because you wanted to do them.

Not because you were supposed to.

And you became happy

and felt productive

and satisfied

with your life.

You love yearbook.

Stop acting like it's something you have to do.

Because guess what?

You love it.

You chose to dedicate a part of your life to it next year

not because you were forced to

but because you wanted to.

Because you love it.

Don't forget why you love it.

Or hey,

stop forgetting that you love it.

And this college thing.

Get over it, man.

You love to write,

these essays should be making you happy.

And you want to go to college.

To learn

which is something you love,

something worth making your life about.

So buck up.

You love learning.

And you're applying to colleges because you want to go.

Not because you have to.

Stop doing the things you love because you feel like you have to do them.

You're just lucky what you have to do is something you love.

No wonder you crashed.

You idiot.

Stop “playing the part” of the dramatic teenage girl.

It's not satisfying.

And you know it.

Do things because you want to.

You have so much good ahead of you.

Why do you keep forgetting this?

It is your life.

What do you want to make it about?

Idiot."

So cheesy. But it's so what I needed to realize in that moment. 

Frayed Edges

Home. Let Me Go Ho-o-ome...

And it starts with a plane ride. And ends with a plane ride. Airplanes are weird. They are both a greeting and a farewell; you are both leaving and going. Planes. The dramatic Hellogoodbye. Dang. Today, I peaced Brown and it was wet and snotty and sad. Weepy. It was weepy. Goodbye. I'd have to say I left with a lot more than I came with. New friends, new abs (laughter, guys. Please. Like I would ever start “working out”), new perspectives, and 10 pounds worth of new stuff (Continental let it slide though). What a surreal experience. Freakin' weird. I mean, think about it. You grab (about) 18 different girls with 18 completely different lives and throw them all together in Hegeman A (including Javier, of course) in Providence, Rhode Island of all places. You make them live together, give them nothing to do (Providence, you kind of suck) except spend time with each other, and make sure they know that this is the only thing tying them all together. It's almost cruel but it's awesome at the same time and while we all were homesick and ready to go home, there were still tears over seeing each other for the last time. And then there's that, the going home part, the hello part of the dramatic airplane ride. I am ecstatic to go back to my life again. After two months. Two months. I did it. I made it through and I'd have to say I'm a little different. I am a little battered, a little crazier (shocker.) and a little older. Whatever I am, I'm going home. Home is a strange concept to me now. I kind of forgot what it's like to have your own space that you can do whatever you want with. I've jumped around so much in the past two months that even the idea of leaving your things in the bathroom instead of having a little bathroom bag to carry stuff back and forth is foreign to me. Even when I was home for 3 days, it didn't feel like home. It was just the next place I was staying before taking off. Not my own permanent residence. How strange is that?I mean, it's not a bad thing. I'm certainly not complaining but it is very weird to me and not something I really like. Hello, Home. You are a concept that I am aching to understand again. Hello, life, friends, room, family.

I'll miss you, guys!

Here I am. Saying hellogoodbye on an airplane (I'll have been on 9 planes this summer) for the last time.

-------------------------------------

The best of “Summer 2010” playlist thus far. I'm sure after the whole yearbook camp thing and staying with Grace, I'll have some more great jams.

Home shouldn't even be mentioned at this point but I'm putting it at the top anyway.

Nobody Knows Me At All by The Weepies

Signs by Bloc Party

Lemonade by CocoRosie

California by Phantom Planet

17 by Sky Ferreira

I Am Not A Robot by Marina and the Diamonds

Skinny Love by Bon Iver

Boston by Augustana

***Strong and Courageous by Kirby McDaniel

King of Anything by Sara Bareilles

For the Widows in Paradise by Sufjan Stevens

Give Me One Reason to Stay by Tracy Chapman

You Make My Dreams by Daryl Hall & John Oates

The Cave by Mumford & Sons

***This is a beautiful song by one of my good friends Kirby. Check her song out on iTunes, and if you don't know her but could, TALK TO HER; she's an amazing person.

Things You Just Get Used To

So, as many of you know, I have been out and about in the world for about two months now. After traveling in 3 different countries and, in the US, 10 different states, there is a pretty interesting list of things you just get used to.

1. Accents- Everyone's got a great accent (including myself sometimes). From my cousin's Syrian accent to the French waiter's hot accent to Kat's (Claire's good friend from Arkansas) southern accent to Cansu's Turkish accent to Lexi's northern accent to Clara's English accent to Javier's Puerto Rican accent to my random y'alls, there has been a lot of different ways to say "tomato" if you know what I mean. For those of you that know me, you know I am eating this UP. I love accents! They are hilarious. I swear the reason we all have different accents is because it's so freaking funny.

2. "Let's just ask the locals."- When you're in a new place and you're starving and ready to eat, you better get over being shy and being a tourist. After a horrible incident in Paris that involved picking a random restaurant, my father and I learned quickly that the best thing to do is "just ask the locals."

3. Weird Phrases- This kind of goes along with accents but there were too many great Clara-inpsired phrases to not mention weird lingo. Let's see. There's... playsuits instead of rompers, braces instead of suspenders, pop instead of soda, fives instead of shuffle, argyle instead of hookah, and (thanks, Deb) "Pop this blowsicle stand" instead of well... that one's self-explanatory.

Cansu, me

In our RAWmpers. 

Photo by Kristie Fan

4. "Bipolar Weather"- While it has been summer everywhere I've gone, it is weird to adjust to 13948239587 different temperatures, weather patterns and humidity. My poor hair has been through so much not to mention my skin is as confused as I'd be in a level 5 Chinese class. You just gotta learn to always have an umbrella nearby, master the messy bun and enjoy the good days.

5. Airplanes- Sadly, airports and airplanes are more familiar to me than my own home at this point. Oh well, last time in a long time (I hope...) will be in only 3 days!

6. Bathroom Keys- I don't know why but about half the bathrooms I use in the north require some sort of key. I find myself needing to go to the bathroom and asking one of the employees for a key only to have them hand me a really strange object. After about 30 seconds, I realize there's a key attached to it but I never fail to be confused at first every time. I mean, you just don't expect someone's response to your plea to use the bathroom to entail them handing you a giant metal spoon or the top to a plastic tub of ice cream.

7. Water Bottles- You want water when you're thirsty, you better have one of those babies. Besides the two or three times I've eaten in the dining hall, I don't remember when the last time was that good-tasting water (hotel faucet water is vile) came from the tap.

8. "Hi, my name is Lana! I come from Texas. (pause) No, I don't have a gun license nor do I own a horse." and "Yes, I did just say y'all. (pause) Please get over it now. (pause) It's really not that funny."- Self explanatory.

9. "Home" by ESMZ- It always seems to start and end with this song, the theme song to my summer. I swear I've mentioned this song about every time I post something but oh well, it's always worth mentioning. I've listened to this song without fail at least twice a day. It connects me to the people at home and now to the people at Brown as well for they all seem to know and love it (MOLLY, WHY DO YOU WE LIVE IN TEXAS?!).

Brown: Day.... 5? Who Knows At This Point

Gotta love some Thayer street.

Hello, hello! I know it's been a couple days but between the people, the reading, the classes, the food, the sun and the walking, I really haven't found the time! By the time I go to bed (shockingly about 1 or 2 a.m. Which for me is late!), I'm exhausted. As I'm sure you've gathered, I have been really busy because there's so much to do and while that's awesome, it definitely comes with a lesson or two. During our first floor meeting, my RA Amy was talking about how we were going to have to learn “time-managent” because of how much freedom we have. I, of course, scoffed and flipped my hair because, in my oh so experienced opinion, I already knew everything about time management. Unsurprisingly, I was wrong. Always so wrong! Ah well, at least I'm learning. I failed the first day. Miserably failed. I ended up with 25 pages worth (which is nothing compared to an actual college load. I know.) of scientific article to read at about one in the morning (which, for me, is quite late). Sheesh. Naturally, it didn't get done and I was a little lost the next day. Besides that, everything's been pretty easy-going! There are the greatest girls in my dorm and the weather has been really great! My favorite thing to do is lay out on the green on a blanket and just talk to the friends I've made. It's so wonderful. So wonderful in fact that yesterday I did it for oh... 4 hours? It was blissful. Speaking of the girls in my dorm, living in a building with 20 or so girls that you JUST met has been a really neat and weird experience. I know that I'm extremely comfortable around them already and thinking about how awkward and shy I felt only 4 days ago is surreal. I never understood what people meant when they said about experiences like this but I'm starting to get it. I guess what makes that “get-to-know-you” process go faster is the fact that I live with these girls and they are the group of friends that I have here. I don't know. Either way, it's been really awesome. More later! I'm exhausted and hope to take a little nap before my “How to Find the Right School for You” seminar... Yay college.

Christiana, Debbi, Marissa, Lexi

We walk so much. It's lovely because I like being outside and the weather is superb.

Lexi, me

Lexi from Cleveland, Ohio. She has an AAAccent.

Christiana, Lexi

This is the green and our little "study" spot.

Brown: Day 1

Today I arrived at Brown in Providence, Rhode Island for my 2 weeks in the Summer@Brown program. I have a single and am in a triple suite with two really sweet girls. My floor is a good group as is my whole dorm. There are girls here from London (she's actually FROM Italy though and got really offended when someone said Nutella was French... It's Italian apparently), New York, India, Turkey, Minnesota.... everywhere! I, however, always mumble "Texas" whenever I say where I'm from and rightfully so because today I was asked if I had a gun license. A GUN LICENSE. I've embarrassingly said y'all like 135723958797 times today but that's okay, it was "cute" apparently. While today was about socializing and getting moved in (I NEED TO BUY A FAN. It's hotter than Texas because there's no AC), tomorrow I start classes! Yay! I'm taking the Special Topics in Developmental Psychology: Socio-emotional Development in Children and Adolescents class. I cannot WAIT to go and learn and talk to my professor and be a little (pre-)college kid. I will have homework (which I'm actually excited about) but will NOT be doing it in my closet-sized, sweltering hot dorm room. My room is something to laugh about. It is in the corner on the very top floor (I, being the diva that I am, packed 2 HUGE suitcases and now will have to carry them down by myself on the last day) and has some serious wall issues. I won't elaborate because I'm trying to cut down on the whining that I do (you can thank me later) but I've, of course, included a picture for your entertainment!

It's a joke but I love it anyway! Yay college.

Lolly

I've Been Everywhere With You

I decided to write a letter to Molly here because I miss her so and figured this would be more special than another e-mail. Inside this letter, you will find references to some great music, T.V. Shows and restaurants. Plus, for those of you who know Molly, this is a great time for you to bask in her cuteness. Bask on!

Hi, Molly. We are thousands of miles apart and have been all summer (except for one fateful July evening) and still, Molly, you have been a huge part of my summer. The e-mails alone have been a huge part of that! They mirror a typical conversation between us, some serious talk paired with the entertaining silly stuff... bia. And while that has been one way you have been a part of my summer, there is also the way you've been present in the music, the laughs and the even the sights.

The song “Home” (the song you showed me, the song for your alarm, the song that WAS Hart's baptism, and so many other moments) has been my theme song all summer and I play it whenever I get homesick and miss my life and friends.

Molly, you set the soundtrack for the road-trip with Claire! We listened to “California” the O.C. song, “I am Not A Robot” by Marina and the Diamonds, “Home”, and “17” by Sky Ferreira over and over again. Not to mention, I definitely wrote your name in a guest book in one the places we visited and put New York City as your city.

I, as you already know, have watched the O.C. obsessively all summer and even got Ryan and Al into it. Not to mention, Claire and I watched it in the car on the long car rides which definitely made them all the more fun.

I see things that make me think of you all the time! For example, most of the activities in the schools I'm visiting involve Wilderness-esque things and it makes me laugh every time 

I picture you ending up in one of these schools and being peer pressured into hiking up a frozen mountain. There's little things too like there was a restaurant in Hannover called Molly's and I insisted that we go there solely because it was your name. Silly, I know but fun none-the-less. It turned out to be a really good spot and I'm sure the restaurant really did have something to do with because the menu's were record sleeves of all different albums. It was so neat! Plus, the food was delicious.

The Molly's menu

Oh, and Molly, I'm in New York right now... (although it is the middle of nowhere countryside) New Yoooork! I look forward to visiting NYC and all the other wonderful places we will be traveling to together.

Al and I watched Kinglsey last night.

So, Molls, Lolly, Molly Bolly, I cannot wait to talk to you when you get back. While I still will not be in Houston, it will be an improvement from this e-mail every three days act. And, of course, I cannot wait to see you and fall back into the old familiar patterns of text Molly until I fall asleep, wake up at 3 a.m. to find messages on my phone from her and respond to find her still awake ooooorrrr wake up in the morning for school and respond, then finish conversation at school in R206 (and in the horrible case of junior year, Duke's classroom). So, until our Tiny's lunchdate, yearbook camp and some great walks, I miss you and I love you!

Ohio

Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie.

I am now (well, not anymore...) in Ohio visiting my dad's parents, Grandma and Grandpa Baumgartner. My grandmother lives in Bryan and my grandfather lives on a farm by Archbold, both places are in the tippy-top northwest corner of Ohio. Like the countryside we drove through last week, the scenery here is beautiful and the weather is usually pretty great even though right now, it's unusually hot. The farm has been in my family since 1982 and I've always loved coming and relaxing and exploring the barn. While the farm is nice and quiet, Bryan is.... well, it's also nice and quiet considering it's a really tiny town. The movie theatre plays 2 or 3 movies and there's a courthouse that you can see from basically anywhere in town. Both places are so relaxing in their own way. Oh, Ohio, you are such a wonderful Pause button on my life.

Night is weighing heavy now

This is something I got in an e-mail the other day and I wanted to share it with you because I absolutely loved it. It actually reminds me of Lauren L, my friend/mentor/"favorite aunt" figure, because she is wise, to the point and neat all around. The title of this post is a piece of the lyrics to the song "Come Awake" by David Crowder Band and I picked it because the title of this passage is called "The Awakening". It's really long so I underlined my favorite parts. Oh! And there's another new post (Arkansas) under this monster of a post.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

- - Author Unknown

Arkansas

Barefoot on a Summer Night.

Yes, it's a been awhile since I went to Arkansas, but it is definitely worth writing about none-the-less. We arrived after a long drive from Missouri and headed on over to our adorable inn. It used to be some sort of school or maybe a girls dorm or something but it was a beautiful house/building type thing and best of all, it was apparently haunted. While we did not have to do any ghost busting, I did have a fit trying to take a shower with the curtain open because I was as scared as five-year-old would've been. Sorry, Claire and Mrs. Hogan... the fault for the water all over the bathroom floor is my own. At least I survived! Anyway, we had heard that it was haunted earlier that evening at dinner when we met up with Mrs. Hogan's friend, Justin. Justin is a professor at U of A, which we toured the next day, and teaches an anthropology class. Justin was AWESOME. He thought it was really neat that Claire and I are best friends and do the yearbook thing together and yet are really different. He also was able to help me sort through the socio-anthro-psycho mess that I've been trying to figure out. The following day, we visited U of A like I previously mentioned and it was fun walk around campus and after that, eating and shopping, we headed out to El Dorado, Claire's hometown.

I absolutely loved seeing El Dorado because I got to see a whole other side of Claire's life, one that is is so special to her. The town is adorable and so full of character and the scenery is absolutely beautiful. After getting settled in (and playing Christmas songs on the piano, but that's another story), we met up with Claire's friend Kat and spent the rest of the night with her doing all sorts of interesting, funny things. Kat seemed really cool and I can see why Claire likes her. Over all, it was a great time. I cannot express how neat it was for me to have Claire share that aspect of her life and how happy it made me!

Missouri

Man, oh man, you're my best friend.

Today, today we woke up early to go to University of Missouri for the morning. We learned a lot and now feel much better about this whole "college" thing aaaaaaaand Mizzou is definitely on the list now for the both of us. It's a fantastic journalism school so we definitely had yearbook on our mind. Oh wait, we always have yearbook on our mind. Above is the creepy tiger we tried to avoid and scoffed at just minutes before this picture was taken. I swear he heard us. 

Mrs Hogan: We'll take this for Ms. Hartman!

I love Claire's photos.

Acme shirts. It's a t-shirt design company. SUPER cool store.

Just editing the Declaration for Thomas. 

(Claire just goes: Holly Hartman's minions... CO-CHIEFS!)

Long day.

Made to Dance In White Dresses

"We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true. 

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home. "


-To Write Love On Her Arms, the story


To Write Love On Her Arms Official Website

Nashville

Alleyways and Pay Phone Calls.

ALL PHOTOS BY CLAIRE AND MRS. HOGAN

Reporting from... the road. 70 west going to Missouri. Who KNOWS where exactly that is. Anyway, we have a special guest here with us. Her name is Claire and she is my travelling companion for this week but normally, she is my life companion (we're best friends) and for next year, my yearbook companion! Yes, this is the co-chief Claire (great nickname, we know).

Claire has decided to make a cheer with this little nickname. She had the wonderful idea to do a spin off of the Hillshire Farm commercials (Hillshire Farm... GO MEAT!)... so far, we've got.

Memorial High... CO-CHIEFS!

R206... CO-CHIEFS!

Reata 11... CO-CHIEFS!

And my personal favorite and a reflection of Claire's wonderful creativity...

Holly Hartman's minions (you get to say it really fast)... CO-CHEIFS!

Ms. Hartman, if you're reading this, what are your thoughts? Is there one you would prefer?

Wooh. So, after arriving in Nashville at 10 p.m. And on the way to our hotel, we stopped at the famous Blue Bird Cafe. While enjoying some delicious spinach dip and chips, we listened to some fellows play country music. Now, I am not one for country music OR concerts but I sure did enjoy that night. It was very intimate and, unlike the concerts I'VE been to, you could tell that the reason people were there was because of the music. They quietly, calmly and happily listened to the music, which was actually pretty enjoyable. After purchasing t-shirts and taking some pictures, we drove over to our hotel. Funny situation our hotel. We planned on staying at the Grand Ole Opry but sadly enough, it got flooded so the guests were moved next door to The Radisson where we had an outdoor room and a toilet that, as Claire put it, sounded as “people shrieking and dying in a dark alley.” Claire says it was as if she was being attacked by a Death Eater. We got some sleep after chatting about our trips and I managed to steal the covers right off of her cold, miserable body. Lana: 1, Claire: 0. Win! Then, we started off our day.

After waking up, chatting some more and leaving Magda (our maid) a nice note, we headed out. First, we went to Vanderbilt and had a disappointing adventure (we chickened out of setting off the alarm in one of the buildings we allegedly broke into it). We did, however, make some friends with a mom and son, Carson or Carter or something, who were from New York City. Oh, they LIVE the life. Deciding it was time for lunch, we drove on over to Broadway street and ate some absolutely delicious barbeque at Jack's. While Mrs. Hogan waited in line (it's a popular place, folks), Claire and I walked around and into some stores and it was at THAT moment that I realized just how southern Nashville is. Oh, so southern, guys. 

Claire

Typical (ha) Nashville Mural

Record Store (Only country music. Shocker.)

Hatch Show Print. It's actually a historical building AND a shop. It was AWESOME.

So anyway, lunch. Let me tell you, I've never had a BBQ sandwich (and OKAY, like 4 ribs too which may or may not be double what Claire ate) as great as that one. After another walk down Broadway St, we decided to visit the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum for a little bit. 

We stayed a lot longer than expected and actually got kicked out but only because it was actually a really nice time! It's very thorough and well done, the museum is. Next up was a short walk down 21^st St where Claire and I popped our heads into some stylish, and way too expensive stores. I'd have to say they best part was that a lot of stores have pets! One of which, an adorable little kitten, fell in love with Claire. I was super jealous. Then, to finish the day off, we went to the Grand Ole Opry.

 It was definitely some great entertainment. We listened to many different singers perform and some FANTASTIC musicians and it really was a great experience. 

On the way to the car though, we ran into some trouble. We decided to take the service elevator down to the garage floor and only after closing the door did we realize that you are not allowed to go on the service elevator and the only way to get the doors to open again is to have a pass key. 

Trapped.

Between Mrs. Hogan hitting the alarm button, Claire laughing and me banging on the door, the security guard heard us and happily released us. It was hilarious. Eventually, we made it to the car and I fell asleep shortly after that in the car while Claire and her mom got lost (that's what they told me anyway. I was long gone at that point) and enjoyed a good rest after a good, long day.

Sunday, (today) we woke up early (ha.) and drove on over to the Pancake Pantry where we feasted on some delicious sweet potato pancakes after waiting in line for an hour an a half (it was worth it). Our tummies full, we drove on over the Chihuly Botanical Garden Exhibit and even though it was extremely hot, we were still able to appreciate the art. Chihuly is a glass artist and he is original and wonderfully talented and his pieces looked so good amongst the beautiful flowers and plants. 

WAY too hot.

Claire doing something she loves and is very good at, taking photos

Afterwards, we stopped at the Loveless Cafe and Motel to grab some fried tomatoes, which are pretty good, and then carried on our way to Missouri.

After thinking about the name Loveless Cafe and Motel, I decided that Claire and I should open up a small cafe in Houston specifically for people who have just gone through break-ups called, wait for it, the Loveless Cafe. At this cafe, we'll serve all the best comfort foods, have fresh baked cookies on demand and comfortable couches and, of course, a lending library. We'll get rich so there's really no point in us continuing to look at colleges.

And that was the end of Nashville.  

Off to Nashville with Colorful, Wonderful Claire

I know I promised a post about Paris but this is sadly not it. However, I am jetting off to Nashville, Tennessee to meet up with Claire and her mother for a weekend! After hanging out there, we'll be going to Missouri and then Arkansas where I will finally get to see a piece of Claire's past. I am so excited!

A random thought I had today (it's nothing special. Pretty obvious. Just one of those things that I needed to realize on my own):

We have a choice in very little. We don't have a choice in the obvious- who we are, where we come from and what our families are like- but, we also don't have choice in things like what we like, what our passions are and who we fall in love with. (Here comes an even more obvious thought.) We do, however, have a choice in what we embrace about ourselves. Last year, my junior year, I finally chose to openly enjoy the things that I love and I became much happier and made friends in the process. I hope I never get shy about what I like now that I know what it is that makes ME happy. I also hope that I never happen upon people who make me afraid to embrace the things that I love. So far, I haven't. And I am so blessed for that, for all of you!