Every Time It Rains

And it's raining. I love the concept of rain. Yes, I hate the way it gets you wet, the way it makes the simple task of going to your car into a huge pain and the way it makes you cold even if it's 80 outside, but the concept of rain is something else. It's something absurd in my mind, a true oddity, and I think that if it didn't happen every day, no one would believe that it could. Think about it. Water is falling from the sky. Water. Something that our bodies and plants need is falling from the sky. How strange. It's more than that though. The rain personifies a therapist and a healer to me. The soothing, steady beat relaxes me and the darkness it creates calms me down, giving me stress-relief that no medicine could provide. Then there's the metaphorical part of it. I, being the cheesiest person in the world that I know, see everything as a metaphor. It pours down, bathes the earth and leaves it feeling refreshed and free of the dirty things that had been clinging onto it. In that way, I feel like when it's raining, it's time for me to return to myself, remember who I am in case I've forgotten and to throw away anything dirty or damaging from my mind or heart. Oh, listen to me, bringing on the cheese again. No matter, I'm sure to some extent someone knows what I'm talking about. So, today, take a step back, remember why it is you're doing what you're doing with your life and make sure it has something to do with what you want.

We Built This World Of Our Own

One of the things that I love about music is that it makes you feel. It sets your whole body in motion; you can literally feel it. It's a world within itself and every song, every sound tells a story. And makes you feel like no one gets the main character of that story better than you do.

Here are some of my favorites of the last few months.
It's a variety, lemme tell ya now.

1. Thirteen. Ben Kweller.

2. History of Lovers. Calexico & Iron & Wine.

3. Airplanes. Local Natives.

4. Janglin. Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes.

5. Creature Fear. Bon Iver.

6. Hummingbird Heartbeat. Katy Perry (UH Duh.).

7. Fire Escape. Fanfarlo.

8. 3 Rounds and a Sound. Blind Pilot.

9. White Knuckles. OK Go.

10. Dancing On My Own. Robyn.

  

Ain't it grand? I'm obsessed with this album cover.

From When You Taught Abroad In Japan

My friend Annie came to mind today. She moved to Alaska at the start of the school year and I miss her. Annie is intelligent, unique and original; she brings perspective, laughter and new ideas. And I miss her.

This makes me think of her because I find she's always helpful when I pester her with college related questions.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2RJTpm/www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/mitlettr.htm

Love ya, Annie. Can't wait to see you again!

Grapes Just Want To Have Fun

Claire, me, Danika

There is nothing like doing something out of the ordinary and enjoying the heck out of it. This weekend, full of oddities, was definitely fantastic for that reason. On Saturday night, I celebrated sweet Al's 18th birthday by doing a few absurd things with the Five. Then, today, Dani, Claire and I participated in Challenge Nation, a huge suburban scavenger hunt race in downtown Houston. The race offers a few prizes for winners and of course, best costume. Hearing the call, we dressed up as the most delectable and ridiculous grapes you have ever seen.

Ahh, my fellow Headitors (and two of my best friends). Dashing, aren't they? I am so lucky to have these two as the people I work with so closely this year. They are hilarious, unique, inspirational and understanding. And I LOVE them!

The clues were.... not exactly easy, but we managed to get 6 of the 12 before giving up and giving in to hunger. Honestly, I only expected us to get like 2 or 3 so the fact that we got half gives us bragging rights without a doubt. We had a really great time just walking around downtown, messing with other teams (although not a certain mother of ours....), taking pictures and taking advantage of the beautiful weather.

Our first clue!

Claire Hogan Photography!

More Claire Hogan Photography!
Don't ask me what Dani and I are doing in this photo.

Popping the balloons was an adventure in itself. We happened upon a spiky plant and decided to use it as a tool. As it clearly shows in this picture, putting your face close to a balloon that's you're trying to pop has painful results. And Danika was entertained.

I invite you this week to do something out of the ordinary, something you'll look back at and smile upon. To Al, happy birthday; you are so dear to me. To Dani and Claire, I'm going to grape you in the mouth. To Hart, you've been graped. To everyone else, everyone's graping in the moonlight. Have a wonderful, exciting week!

Everybody's Dancing In the Moonlight

With homecoming coming up next weekend, I definitely have dances on my mind. I'll have to admit, even though I've always gone with great people, all things related to school dances are not my forte.

Take, for example, my dancing. Is this what you would call Markette material? I just don't think so.

Note: I AM ALONE AND LOOK AS IF I AM IN PAIN. Shelby, poor dear, is trying to escape my company probably because of my "dancing." I look like I'm about to attack someone. Sigh.

Exhibit B shows my inability to stay up past 8 p.m. Last time I checked, falling asleep on the dance floor does not make one a good date.

Then, there's the whole issue of knowing how to dress myself or look like a girl.

Ryan was dressed for nerd day. I was wearing the usual. 

And no, I did not go out and buy those pants. They were a gift. No, seriously.

Ahh oh well. Even though I would not get an A in School Dance Class, I will still have a great night. I've decided to go all out this year because, well, it's senior year! I'm going with a good group of people, I've got a pretty swell date and I've never been so up-to-date on catchy mainstream music.

I will end with this bit of laughter.

Me, Chris, Trent

Chris and Trent decided to perform the explicit version of the "Will You Go to HC With Me?" song (to the tune of Banana Pancakes) they put together, those creative hooligans.

It started with, "Lock you in the closet..." Hence, my facial expression. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

"Oh, reckless abandon"

This commercial makes me want to both go to college far away just to go far away and fly.

Diet Coke Commerical "Sweet Disposition"

"You can't dance and stay uptight"

I used to believe that there wasn't a purpose in life, so I could just do what made me happy instead of trying to complete some sort of goal. Then, I realized maybe this is our purpose in life: to be happy, to enjoy something so simple and complex as living.

We'll see
where that takes me.

Pictures Only Prove You Can't Convince

So, it turns out, I'm really weird and like taking close-up pictures of people's faces and pictures of feet and legs. Mk, cool. Why am I telling you this?! Because I'm going to jump on that bandwagon (this is not to make fun of photography blogs in the slightest. Those of you know that know me know exactly what I'm really poking fun at) and post some pictures that I've taken recently that I'm fond of. Are you rolling your eyes yet? If not, listen to this. I suck at photography so it's hilarious that I'm posting the only 3 or 4 pictures I've ever taken in my life that don't make me feel completely ashamed. So, now that I've made fun of myself, here is "Part 1 of The Picture Post." I know, isn't my alliteration to die for?

Rachel

Look at this little guy! His name is William and he holds my heart in his little hands. He is the son of Lauren, one of the most special people in my life, and he is amazing. I am obsessed with babies because the baby concept blows my mind. More on that later.

Kelly

Ahh, now for Part 2. In Photography, we worked on a photoshop project all last week and for it, we had to take our own pictures. Of course, upon hearing this, I wept for my grade and for the disappointment my parents would feel when they heard I failed Photography. But alas, I haven't failed yet and found the pictures I took of Rachel (my model) to be either neat or hilarious. Ha! And believe you me, they're neat only because of Rach, not because of my photography skills. In fact, the following pictures will be a true testament to where my skills lie on the picture-taking scale. Let's just say, Ms. Bottoms (my teacher) should be scared.

Cool, Rach. Who cut off your hand? Oh, wait. My bad.

Isn't she cool? This'll embarrass her a tad so if you see her around, tell her how awesome she is. Have a good weekend!

"Burning solid, burning thin the burning rim."

"When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire."

When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire? The first time I heard this quote ("Your Ex-Lover is Dead" by Stars), I was speechless. There were so many images being tossed around in my head: chaos, self-destruction, burning people at the stake, riots, the burning of books. I was confused and shrank back. Very rarely do quotes inspire such a reaction in someone, and this is exactly why I took a lot of time to think about how I would come to interpret it.
When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire. The first interpretation I stuck with had to do with living in a place where all your belongings and things that matter to you have been taken away or "burned" and then, finally, one has to fight back and "set themselves on fire" with passion. A little cheesy, I know, but this is just what my head came up with.
This year, my second interpretation was a little more personal. As most of my fellow classmates have come to realize, this year hasn't exactly reached it's maximum potential yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm having a great time, loving my classes and managing to enjoy yearbook most of the time, but still, there's been something missing. It's as if I burned through all of the things I mildly enjoyed and have gotten bored of the routine. Yes, I said "burned" for a reason. At this point, I feel like "there's nothing left to burn" and now, I "have to set myself on fire." Oh, crap. Doesn't that sound delightful. Well, to me, it does. When I hear set yourself on fire, to me it means to get passionate about something and throw yourself into it, learn all about it and want to share it with everyone. So now, I'm reading again and learning again and asking questions again and thinking weirdly again; I'm setting myself on fire in the best way I know how.

And, in conclusion, I ask you to do the same. Set yourself on fire. What do you like to do? Practice it. What do you wonder about? Delve into it. What do you want to share? Talk about it. Do whatever it takes to set yourself on fire.

"In a technicolor dream"

The conversation I had with my body for about my entire life before senior year:

Me: Let me stay up late.
My body: No.
Me: I want to stay up late.
My body: No.
Me: Can I stay up late tonight? It's a Friday. I'm hanging out with some friends.
My body: Yes!
Me: Really?!
My body: No.
Me: I'll give you coffee!
My body: Don't care.
Me: This is ridiculous. It's my decision.
My body: In your dreams. Get it? Get it??
Me: I hate you.
My body: Fall asleep, idiot.

But, now, things are so different. Welcome to Senior Year/College-Prep, learning how to stay up late doing work until "it's so late, I can't even look at the clock anymore" or just having a good time with good friends. I'm happy to finally be here; there's something Alice in Wonderland-y about nighttime.

Noise

Everlasting Light by The Black Keys.

Look it up. This song, I mean, owns.

Tangent!
Check out this album cover. I point this out with Molly in mind, she's a loon for album covers, (and a loon in general) because she often posts album covers with her music posts. I post this AC for kicks. What is this genius?!

"In this way, Mr. K will challenge the world"

I have this habit of trying to fit myself into a "type." We all do it, I know. In fact, that's something we learned about in Psychology a few days ago... but that's a whole something else. Anyway, "Types." Right. Most of the time I trick myself into believing that I do fall into a category, that I do make sense as a person, but then, on occasion, reality comes for a visit and points it finger at me and says, "drop the charade, man. You're full of contradictions and absurdities." So, let's just think about that for a sec. We all don't fit into a stereotype. All human beings. That just sounds like chaos to me. In my mind, I see the 6 billion people of the earth all dancing and screaming and talking at the same time. Ha. Can you imagine? Anyway... Moving on. What I'm getting at is every time I realize (again) that I don't nor do I need to fit into a mold, I get a little happier because I can embrace what I actually love instead of forcing myself to try and love something my type would love. Get it? Whatever. Neither do I. Kind of.

To illustrate what the heck I'm talking about, I decided to include some of the wonderful contradictions that make up the mess you know as "Lana" or "Lama" or "that hot mess" or"who is that girl talking to herself?" Mk. Judge away.

What I watch.

What I listen to.

What I read.

What I eat.

Who I grace with my friendship.

(BAHA)

Recognize contradictions like these within yourself? We are all more alike then we let on.

Life In 6 Words

I gave this post the title "Life In 6 Words" because of a great English assignment we'll be working on next week. Basically, we have to make a statement in 6 words. It can be anything, mean anything. Whatever. I have two that I might use but I won't share them now. I want to challenge you to do this. Say something in 6 words. Anything! Explain a concept. Make me laugh. Tell me a story. Whisper a secret... Just do it in 6 words. There's a youtube video that we watched in class that will explain this better than I did (sorry!). Enjoy.

Hope this is the right video! If not, that's embarrassing!

Flip Side of Empty

I'm in the mood to make a list. A list without a title might I add because, let's be honest, this list will reflect the current state of my mind, filled to the brim with a whole lot of Random. I suppose I should give it some sort of theme though, no? How about this?

Thoughts of a Hot Mess with A.D.D. (Thanks, Harty. haha)

1. What is with mainstream music being so catchy lately? I can't get enough of "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. Okay well to be honest I've always loved Katy Perry but this song is addictive.

2. Yearbook is actually going well. We had our 2347982735th editor meeting today and we've finally settled on a cover and a few other things that you wouldn't really care about. Our staff seems to be a good one and I really can't wait for this year to take off. Not that it hasn't... it's just, I want everyone to reach that point of comfort and routine that makes yearbook so fun. Ah well, "wanting it to take off" is a great problem to have.

3. Why does Houston weather blow so much? Today, Molly asked me if I ever go swimming in my pool and I thought to myself, "Why do I need to get in the pool? The humidity makes everyday a swim through the freaking OCEAN." NEVER MIND the 400 degree air temperature that makes everyone LOOK like they swam with the dolphins because we're all sweating so much.

4. Where is Sara Khan? I never see this girl anymore and it saddens me.

If you see this girl, let me know and tell her I miss her.

5. Being a senior is a wonderful thing. I walk around and see people in my grade and feel like I can say hi or stop and talk to about 90 percent of them. That's so special. My Econ teacher (who I'm sure is secretly Yoda because he's pretty dang wise) said something really interesting on the first day of school. He goes, "There's nothing like being in a classroom with the people you grew up with." And that's so true. There is comfort and fun and familiarity and security in that and I'm really enjoying the last year of it so far.

6. I see burnt orange in my future. More on that later. 

I'll be updating this as the night goes on... 

The Beginning of the End

The beginning of the end. I have waited so long to say that about my first days of school. I never thought it would get here and now that it has, I couldn't be more excited and relieved. I made it. I survived and I am finally a senior. Now, when I originally started counting down the days until my last year (sadly I actually almost did starting 9th grade), I didn't like Memorial (my high school) nearly as much nor was I happy to be where I was/am... in high school in Houston, Texas but now, it's a different scenario, huh? I love the people around me, the school that I attend and the life that lies ahead of me but that doesn't take away from my excitement in the slightest. It just makes it different... more lighthearted and positive to say the least :) Anyway, sorry for that awful excuse for a paragraph; here's a list of the classes I'm taking this semester!

1st Period: Economics
While I was not looking forward to this class, I am now pretty happy about it. There's some fantastic kids with me and my teacher is a loud, hilarious football/baseball coach. Perfect for first period in my opinion! I'll definitely be awake after which is perfect for...
2nd Period: Calculus
I love math. I know that's so weird but I really enjoy it and it's great to get it out of the way so early in the day. Now I don't have to spend all of Yearbook studying for it! (I'm sure that'll make Ms. Hartman happy too...) Calculus marks the end of my two math classes. All the rest are thinking/creative/analysis starting with...
3rd Period: Yearbook
In case you're new here or happen to be a complete idiot, I am on the Yearbook staff at my school and it matters to me... to say the least. I have a small class (21 kids) which is what I wanted so that's nice. I'll be doing a lot of work in there seeing as our yearbook is huge so it'll be nice to get some relaxation from...
4th Period: Film Studies
One of the coolest classes offered at Memorial. Film studies. Don't it sound grand? I love movies and analyzing movies and talking about movies so I'm pretty sure this class is the perfect fit for me. We'll be covering a lot of genres and I hope we watch movies that I can discuss next in...
5th Period: Psychology
This will definitely be an interesting class. The teacher seems like a really funny, interesting lady and the material should be something I'll enjoy. We already have a cool assignment in which I get to stalk someone so I'm pretty sure I'll be successful considering I'm one of the creepiest people I know. In addition to improving my creepy observation skills, I feel like Psych really gives me a unique perspective on things which will be helpful when doing...
6th Period: Photography
Oh gosh. I am so nervous about this class. However, I have complete faith in my awesome teacher to make me into a somewhat decent photographer which, believe me, is a feat in and of itself. Something my teacher said yesterday really intrigued and got me even more excited. She was talking about how photography is a form of art and is one of her passions which got me pumped because who better to learn it from than someone who genuinely loves and appreciates it like she does? This "photography is an art" bit, however, made me realize that the creativity will leave me feeling mentally wiped out which means I shouldn't even show up to...
7th Period: English

Aww but I love English and books. I gotta go! Like in all my other classes I've got a great teacher and great peers so this one should be challenging but interesting and enjoyable none-the-less. Good thing I had an easy time with Crime and Punishment, huh? Anyway, I'm looking forward to looking at literature in a different way than the last two years because, like I said, I love me some perspective.

Gotta go do some Film Studies homework. Jealous? You should be. This is the first year ever where I'm really excited to do all of my homework. My how far we've come.

"Pictures Only Prove You Can't Convince"

It just hit me how much I feel like the people of our time, the people who are alive right now are just renting out the world. It's all so... temporary and brief. I was thinking about how I don't really care about leaving my mark for generations to come even though a lot of people do and then I thought about how fleeting this time is and how... well, no one cares that much about what we did after we're not alive anymore. That's scary and controversial and something most people don't want to hear but I mean, that's just how I feel. I mean, I don't disregard what everyone who is dead has done, of course not, but I respect them and their work and that's about it. It really matters what I'm doing right now with the people and things that I have and it shocks me how little time I have to live... I'm only going to be alive for like 80 more years max. That's freaky. Who cares about what I did after I'm dead? I don't want people to spend too much time focusing on what I did. I want them to enjoy the Life around them- the people, the pulse of where they're living, the things, the ideas, the passion- everything that is alive. The only way I want to be involved is in their growth and realizations and discussions, the things that make me feel alive. I don't want them to study the things that I did that won't affect them in anyway, that's a waste of time, I'm dead for crying out loud! Who cares! And now I'm going to flip that around and talk about how I'm going to live my life while I'm alive. I don't want to waste time on this world, on this place that I'm renting out for 100 years or less. I know I sound so cliché but I don't actually believe that 98% of people who talk like this actually mean it. I hope they do though. I want people to realize how short their lives are and how much they have to experience and appreciate. SO cliché. Oh well. I mean it.

Don't mind the grammatical errors. I wrote this quickly and am posting it without proofing it. Oh my gosh this is so long, I'm sorry.

Mumford, SALT and Danika

Three things are on my mind today. I'm going to go over each one briefly (as briefly as I can that is) so I don't overwhelm you with 3 feet of copy to read. I'll consider myself thanked.

1) Earlier in the month, I mentioned a song called The Cave by Mumford & Sons. Well, recently I really looked at the lyrics and Music did that thing where it says, "Hey. I get it. I get it. Here's something to remind you that other's have been through this before."Oh, these lyrics. I often fall madly in love with songs and it's happened again. Here are some of my favorite sections of the lyrics-

"The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind."

"I'll know my name as it's called again."

"I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears."

"And see the world hanging upside down."

"Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be."

"Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind."

2) Now that I'm a senior, I get to (yes, I consider it a privilege!) be a SALT leader at MDUMC. SALT is basically the senior leadership group at MDUMC. While at first this was no big deal to me, I've gotten really excited about it in the past week. We had a meeting on Tuesday night that coincidently came at a time when I really needed to hear about the stability, security and refuge that being a SALT leader would provide. The high school staff was very persistent about letting us know that SALT isn't a job or something that will cause us stress by putting pressure on us  with expectations and mandatory activities. It exists to remind us that "it's going to be alright" while we're stressing and freaking out next year as "big and bad" but, in reality, scared and overwhelmed seniors. It really hit me (although I've known this all along) that they genuinely love us and want to make our lives easier and more peaceful and when I realized that, I got so excited and I felt so much better about my year. They know me so well over there so I won't have any trouble walking in on days when I'm doing really great or especially on days when I'm doing really bad. I just hope that every senior next year has what I have, a place to go where I will always be welcome and a place that provides an escape from my to-be hectic life.


Shoot. That wasn't brief... My bad.

3) Danika! Let's just talk about my friend, Danika. (Or Dani as normal people call her.) I bring up Dani because she just made a really cool blog that shows off her great designing skills. Did I mention she's Design Editor? We'll be taking next year by storm (I hope.) and have been talking about this year's book for ages now. No really, since July 2009. It's kind of embarrassing. Anyway, I've been friends with Danika for a long time now and known her for even longer and I'm excited to be finishing this part of my life with her by my side.

Oh! Here's the link to her blog. Danika's blog!

"Hey Jojo, Don't you forget your name."

Over the last few days and especially today, I was wigging out. I couldn't really place my finger on why but I was definitely lashing out a little bit (sorry to those of you who had to deal with it) and doing the whole grumpy pout-cross-your-arms thing. Anyway, I was thinking about my life and asked myself, "well, what do you want to make your life about?" and was hit in the face with an epiphany. Naturally, I began writing a letter to myself (I sound so like an insane person. It's ridiculous.) and this is what happened.

"You choose what you make your life about.

Don't forget that.

You did not become stressed recently because of anything that happened to you.

You became stressed because you forgot that this is your life.

You choose what your life is about.

Last year,

that fateful junior year,

you started doing things because you wanted to do them.

Not because you were supposed to.

And you became happy

and felt productive

and satisfied

with your life.

You love yearbook.

Stop acting like it's something you have to do.

Because guess what?

You love it.

You chose to dedicate a part of your life to it next year

not because you were forced to

but because you wanted to.

Because you love it.

Don't forget why you love it.

Or hey,

stop forgetting that you love it.

And this college thing.

Get over it, man.

You love to write,

these essays should be making you happy.

And you want to go to college.

To learn

which is something you love,

something worth making your life about.

So buck up.

You love learning.

And you're applying to colleges because you want to go.

Not because you have to.

Stop doing the things you love because you feel like you have to do them.

You're just lucky what you have to do is something you love.

No wonder you crashed.

You idiot.

Stop “playing the part” of the dramatic teenage girl.

It's not satisfying.

And you know it.

Do things because you want to.

You have so much good ahead of you.

Why do you keep forgetting this?

It is your life.

What do you want to make it about?

Idiot."

So cheesy. But it's so what I needed to realize in that moment. 

Frayed Edges

Home. Let Me Go Ho-o-ome...

And it starts with a plane ride. And ends with a plane ride. Airplanes are weird. They are both a greeting and a farewell; you are both leaving and going. Planes. The dramatic Hellogoodbye. Dang. Today, I peaced Brown and it was wet and snotty and sad. Weepy. It was weepy. Goodbye. I'd have to say I left with a lot more than I came with. New friends, new abs (laughter, guys. Please. Like I would ever start “working out”), new perspectives, and 10 pounds worth of new stuff (Continental let it slide though). What a surreal experience. Freakin' weird. I mean, think about it. You grab (about) 18 different girls with 18 completely different lives and throw them all together in Hegeman A (including Javier, of course) in Providence, Rhode Island of all places. You make them live together, give them nothing to do (Providence, you kind of suck) except spend time with each other, and make sure they know that this is the only thing tying them all together. It's almost cruel but it's awesome at the same time and while we all were homesick and ready to go home, there were still tears over seeing each other for the last time. And then there's that, the going home part, the hello part of the dramatic airplane ride. I am ecstatic to go back to my life again. After two months. Two months. I did it. I made it through and I'd have to say I'm a little different. I am a little battered, a little crazier (shocker.) and a little older. Whatever I am, I'm going home. Home is a strange concept to me now. I kind of forgot what it's like to have your own space that you can do whatever you want with. I've jumped around so much in the past two months that even the idea of leaving your things in the bathroom instead of having a little bathroom bag to carry stuff back and forth is foreign to me. Even when I was home for 3 days, it didn't feel like home. It was just the next place I was staying before taking off. Not my own permanent residence. How strange is that?I mean, it's not a bad thing. I'm certainly not complaining but it is very weird to me and not something I really like. Hello, Home. You are a concept that I am aching to understand again. Hello, life, friends, room, family.

I'll miss you, guys!

Here I am. Saying hellogoodbye on an airplane (I'll have been on 9 planes this summer) for the last time.

-------------------------------------

The best of “Summer 2010” playlist thus far. I'm sure after the whole yearbook camp thing and staying with Grace, I'll have some more great jams.

Home shouldn't even be mentioned at this point but I'm putting it at the top anyway.

Nobody Knows Me At All by The Weepies

Signs by Bloc Party

Lemonade by CocoRosie

California by Phantom Planet

17 by Sky Ferreira

I Am Not A Robot by Marina and the Diamonds

Skinny Love by Bon Iver

Boston by Augustana

***Strong and Courageous by Kirby McDaniel

King of Anything by Sara Bareilles

For the Widows in Paradise by Sufjan Stevens

Give Me One Reason to Stay by Tracy Chapman

You Make My Dreams by Daryl Hall & John Oates

The Cave by Mumford & Sons

***This is a beautiful song by one of my good friends Kirby. Check her song out on iTunes, and if you don't know her but could, TALK TO HER; she's an amazing person.

Things You Just Get Used To

So, as many of you know, I have been out and about in the world for about two months now. After traveling in 3 different countries and, in the US, 10 different states, there is a pretty interesting list of things you just get used to.

1. Accents- Everyone's got a great accent (including myself sometimes). From my cousin's Syrian accent to the French waiter's hot accent to Kat's (Claire's good friend from Arkansas) southern accent to Cansu's Turkish accent to Lexi's northern accent to Clara's English accent to Javier's Puerto Rican accent to my random y'alls, there has been a lot of different ways to say "tomato" if you know what I mean. For those of you that know me, you know I am eating this UP. I love accents! They are hilarious. I swear the reason we all have different accents is because it's so freaking funny.

2. "Let's just ask the locals."- When you're in a new place and you're starving and ready to eat, you better get over being shy and being a tourist. After a horrible incident in Paris that involved picking a random restaurant, my father and I learned quickly that the best thing to do is "just ask the locals."

3. Weird Phrases- This kind of goes along with accents but there were too many great Clara-inpsired phrases to not mention weird lingo. Let's see. There's... playsuits instead of rompers, braces instead of suspenders, pop instead of soda, fives instead of shuffle, argyle instead of hookah, and (thanks, Deb) "Pop this blowsicle stand" instead of well... that one's self-explanatory.

Cansu, me

In our RAWmpers. 

Photo by Kristie Fan

4. "Bipolar Weather"- While it has been summer everywhere I've gone, it is weird to adjust to 13948239587 different temperatures, weather patterns and humidity. My poor hair has been through so much not to mention my skin is as confused as I'd be in a level 5 Chinese class. You just gotta learn to always have an umbrella nearby, master the messy bun and enjoy the good days.

5. Airplanes- Sadly, airports and airplanes are more familiar to me than my own home at this point. Oh well, last time in a long time (I hope...) will be in only 3 days!

6. Bathroom Keys- I don't know why but about half the bathrooms I use in the north require some sort of key. I find myself needing to go to the bathroom and asking one of the employees for a key only to have them hand me a really strange object. After about 30 seconds, I realize there's a key attached to it but I never fail to be confused at first every time. I mean, you just don't expect someone's response to your plea to use the bathroom to entail them handing you a giant metal spoon or the top to a plastic tub of ice cream.

7. Water Bottles- You want water when you're thirsty, you better have one of those babies. Besides the two or three times I've eaten in the dining hall, I don't remember when the last time was that good-tasting water (hotel faucet water is vile) came from the tap.

8. "Hi, my name is Lana! I come from Texas. (pause) No, I don't have a gun license nor do I own a horse." and "Yes, I did just say y'all. (pause) Please get over it now. (pause) It's really not that funny."- Self explanatory.

9. "Home" by ESMZ- It always seems to start and end with this song, the theme song to my summer. I swear I've mentioned this song about every time I post something but oh well, it's always worth mentioning. I've listened to this song without fail at least twice a day. It connects me to the people at home and now to the people at Brown as well for they all seem to know and love it (MOLLY, WHY DO YOU WE LIVE IN TEXAS?!).

Brown: Day.... 5? Who Knows At This Point

Gotta love some Thayer street.

Hello, hello! I know it's been a couple days but between the people, the reading, the classes, the food, the sun and the walking, I really haven't found the time! By the time I go to bed (shockingly about 1 or 2 a.m. Which for me is late!), I'm exhausted. As I'm sure you've gathered, I have been really busy because there's so much to do and while that's awesome, it definitely comes with a lesson or two. During our first floor meeting, my RA Amy was talking about how we were going to have to learn “time-managent” because of how much freedom we have. I, of course, scoffed and flipped my hair because, in my oh so experienced opinion, I already knew everything about time management. Unsurprisingly, I was wrong. Always so wrong! Ah well, at least I'm learning. I failed the first day. Miserably failed. I ended up with 25 pages worth (which is nothing compared to an actual college load. I know.) of scientific article to read at about one in the morning (which, for me, is quite late). Sheesh. Naturally, it didn't get done and I was a little lost the next day. Besides that, everything's been pretty easy-going! There are the greatest girls in my dorm and the weather has been really great! My favorite thing to do is lay out on the green on a blanket and just talk to the friends I've made. It's so wonderful. So wonderful in fact that yesterday I did it for oh... 4 hours? It was blissful. Speaking of the girls in my dorm, living in a building with 20 or so girls that you JUST met has been a really neat and weird experience. I know that I'm extremely comfortable around them already and thinking about how awkward and shy I felt only 4 days ago is surreal. I never understood what people meant when they said about experiences like this but I'm starting to get it. I guess what makes that “get-to-know-you” process go faster is the fact that I live with these girls and they are the group of friends that I have here. I don't know. Either way, it's been really awesome. More later! I'm exhausted and hope to take a little nap before my “How to Find the Right School for You” seminar... Yay college.

Christiana, Debbi, Marissa, Lexi

We walk so much. It's lovely because I like being outside and the weather is superb.

Lexi, me

Lexi from Cleveland, Ohio. She has an AAAccent.

Christiana, Lexi

This is the green and our little "study" spot.

Brown: Day 1

Today I arrived at Brown in Providence, Rhode Island for my 2 weeks in the Summer@Brown program. I have a single and am in a triple suite with two really sweet girls. My floor is a good group as is my whole dorm. There are girls here from London (she's actually FROM Italy though and got really offended when someone said Nutella was French... It's Italian apparently), New York, India, Turkey, Minnesota.... everywhere! I, however, always mumble "Texas" whenever I say where I'm from and rightfully so because today I was asked if I had a gun license. A GUN LICENSE. I've embarrassingly said y'all like 135723958797 times today but that's okay, it was "cute" apparently. While today was about socializing and getting moved in (I NEED TO BUY A FAN. It's hotter than Texas because there's no AC), tomorrow I start classes! Yay! I'm taking the Special Topics in Developmental Psychology: Socio-emotional Development in Children and Adolescents class. I cannot WAIT to go and learn and talk to my professor and be a little (pre-)college kid. I will have homework (which I'm actually excited about) but will NOT be doing it in my closet-sized, sweltering hot dorm room. My room is something to laugh about. It is in the corner on the very top floor (I, being the diva that I am, packed 2 HUGE suitcases and now will have to carry them down by myself on the last day) and has some serious wall issues. I won't elaborate because I'm trying to cut down on the whining that I do (you can thank me later) but I've, of course, included a picture for your entertainment!

It's a joke but I love it anyway! Yay college.

Lolly

I've Been Everywhere With You

I decided to write a letter to Molly here because I miss her so and figured this would be more special than another e-mail. Inside this letter, you will find references to some great music, T.V. Shows and restaurants. Plus, for those of you who know Molly, this is a great time for you to bask in her cuteness. Bask on!

Hi, Molly. We are thousands of miles apart and have been all summer (except for one fateful July evening) and still, Molly, you have been a huge part of my summer. The e-mails alone have been a huge part of that! They mirror a typical conversation between us, some serious talk paired with the entertaining silly stuff... bia. And while that has been one way you have been a part of my summer, there is also the way you've been present in the music, the laughs and the even the sights.

The song “Home” (the song you showed me, the song for your alarm, the song that WAS Hart's baptism, and so many other moments) has been my theme song all summer and I play it whenever I get homesick and miss my life and friends.

Molly, you set the soundtrack for the road-trip with Claire! We listened to “California” the O.C. song, “I am Not A Robot” by Marina and the Diamonds, “Home”, and “17” by Sky Ferreira over and over again. Not to mention, I definitely wrote your name in a guest book in one the places we visited and put New York City as your city.

I, as you already know, have watched the O.C. obsessively all summer and even got Ryan and Al into it. Not to mention, Claire and I watched it in the car on the long car rides which definitely made them all the more fun.

I see things that make me think of you all the time! For example, most of the activities in the schools I'm visiting involve Wilderness-esque things and it makes me laugh every time 

I picture you ending up in one of these schools and being peer pressured into hiking up a frozen mountain. There's little things too like there was a restaurant in Hannover called Molly's and I insisted that we go there solely because it was your name. Silly, I know but fun none-the-less. It turned out to be a really good spot and I'm sure the restaurant really did have something to do with because the menu's were record sleeves of all different albums. It was so neat! Plus, the food was delicious.

The Molly's menu

Oh, and Molly, I'm in New York right now... (although it is the middle of nowhere countryside) New Yoooork! I look forward to visiting NYC and all the other wonderful places we will be traveling to together.

Al and I watched Kinglsey last night.

So, Molls, Lolly, Molly Bolly, I cannot wait to talk to you when you get back. While I still will not be in Houston, it will be an improvement from this e-mail every three days act. And, of course, I cannot wait to see you and fall back into the old familiar patterns of text Molly until I fall asleep, wake up at 3 a.m. to find messages on my phone from her and respond to find her still awake ooooorrrr wake up in the morning for school and respond, then finish conversation at school in R206 (and in the horrible case of junior year, Duke's classroom). So, until our Tiny's lunchdate, yearbook camp and some great walks, I miss you and I love you!

Ohio

Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie.

I am now (well, not anymore...) in Ohio visiting my dad's parents, Grandma and Grandpa Baumgartner. My grandmother lives in Bryan and my grandfather lives on a farm by Archbold, both places are in the tippy-top northwest corner of Ohio. Like the countryside we drove through last week, the scenery here is beautiful and the weather is usually pretty great even though right now, it's unusually hot. The farm has been in my family since 1982 and I've always loved coming and relaxing and exploring the barn. While the farm is nice and quiet, Bryan is.... well, it's also nice and quiet considering it's a really tiny town. The movie theatre plays 2 or 3 movies and there's a courthouse that you can see from basically anywhere in town. Both places are so relaxing in their own way. Oh, Ohio, you are such a wonderful Pause button on my life.

Night is weighing heavy now

This is something I got in an e-mail the other day and I wanted to share it with you because I absolutely loved it. It actually reminds me of Lauren L, my friend/mentor/"favorite aunt" figure, because she is wise, to the point and neat all around. The title of this post is a piece of the lyrics to the song "Come Awake" by David Crowder Band and I picked it because the title of this passage is called "The Awakening". It's really long so I underlined my favorite parts. Oh! And there's another new post (Arkansas) under this monster of a post.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon. You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

- - Author Unknown